Daily Joke: Jokes Library

After a terrible cruise shipwreck, famous beauty and actress Scarlett Johansson finds herself alone on a deserted island. Hours pass, and only one other man makes it to the island with her. and some guy were the only survivors of a shipwreck.

They didn’t know each other before the shipwreck, but he did know who she was, of course.

At the beginning it was hard, but as time passed, this guy learned how to provide food and shelter, he started taking care of her, she took care of him in return, and eventually she started really caring about him. After all, there wasn’t anyone else in the island.

He eventually built a cabin, had a functioning automatic potable water supply, and all sorts of little clever commodities, all done to make life easier.

One night she threw herself at him and they made love. After that, they were for all intents and purposes a couple with an above regular sex life.

But for some reason he started drifting away, something was bothering him. And she noticed. “What’s wrong?” Scarlett Johansson asked, “Nothing…” the guy would say.

She pestered him for a while eventually saying she would do ANYTHING he needed or wanted to make him feel good again, just because she really cared for him a lot, and even if he wasn’t asking, she felt it was the least she owed it to him to try.

“Really?, you’ll do anything I’d like?”

“Sure,” she said “anything!”

“Ok, first i want you to take off you toga and get into this pair of work jeans that somehow washed on the shore.”

“Ok…”

“Now put this shirt on please, but first, “tape” your boobs so they are flat.”

“Wha… ok, I’d say I’d do anything” she said lovingly.

“oO, now, take this hat and wear it, but tuck your hair under it.”

She was kinda confused, but non the less, she wanted to make him happy, so she tucked her hair under the hat.

“Now I’d like for you to grab this piece of soot and paint yourself a beard and a mustache.”

“Ok… if this is what you want…” she muttered.

“Now, please, put on these sunglasses, and start walking down the beach I’ll catch up to you in a bit,” he said a bit excited…

She started walking, wondering and doubting herself. She was confused about what had just happened, maybe it wasn’t her, maybe it was him?

Suddenly, the guy grabs her by her shoulder turns her around and says: “Man! you won’t believe WHO I’ve been sleeping with for the past 6 months!”

A lady is trotting down the road in her horse and buggy when she is pulled over by the sheriff.

“Ma’am, I have to warn you, you have a broken stake on your wheel,” says the sheriff.

“Oh dear. I’ll let my husband, Jacob know as soon as I get home,” she replies.

“That’s fine,” he continues. “Another thing, ma’am. I don’t like the way that one rein loops across the horse’s back and around one of his testicles. I consider that terrible cruelty to the animal. Have your husband take care of that right away!”

Later that day, the lady is home telling her husband about her encounter with the sheriff. “Well, dear, what exactly did he say?” asked the husband. “He said a stake is broken,” replied the lady. “I can fix that in a heartbeat. What else?” asked the husband.

The wife replied: “I’m not sure, Jacob – something to do with the emergency brake.”

A champion jockey is about to enter an important race on a new horse. The horse’s trainer meets him before the race and says, “All you have to remember with this horse is that every time you approach a jump, you have to shout, “ALLLLEEE OOOP!” really loudly in the horse’s ear. Providing you do that, you’ll be fine.”

The jockey thinks the trainer is mad but promises to shout the command. The race begins and they approach the first hurdle. The jockey ignores the trainer’s ridiculous advice and the horse crashes straight through the center of the jump.

They carry on and approach the second hurdle. The jockey, somewhat embarrassed, whispers “Aleeee ooop” in the horse’s ear. The same thing happens – the horse crashes straight through the center of the jump.

At the third hurdle, the jockey thinks, “It’s no good, I’ll have to do it,” and yells, “ALLLEEE OOOP!” really loudly. Sure enough, the horse sails over the jump with no problems. This continues for the rest of the race, but due to the earlier problems, the horse only finishes third.

The trainer is fuming and asks the jockey what went wrong. The jockey replies, “Nothing is wrong with me – it’s this bloody horse. What is he – deaf or something?”

The trainer replies, “Deaf?? DEAF?? You idiot, he’s not deaf – he’s BLIND!”

One day God was looking down at Earth and saw all of the mischievous behavior that was going on, so he called one of His angels and sent the angel to Earth for a time.

When he returned, he told God, ‘Yes, it is bad on Earth; 95% are misbehaving and only 5% are not.

God thought for a moment and said, ‘Maybe I had better send down a second angel to get another opinion.’

So God called another angel and sent him to Earth for some time.

When the angel returned he went to God and said, ‘Yes, it’s true.The Earth is in decline; 95% are misbehaving, but 5% are being good.’

God was not pleased. So He decided to e-mail the 5% that were good, because he wanted to encourage them, and give them a little something to help them keep going.

Do you know what the e-mail said? No?

Okay, I was just wondering, because I didn’t get one either!

Share this prank joke with your friends so they can laugh too!

A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he notices a sign out of the corner of his eye. It reads:

SISTERS OF ST. NORTON
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
10 MILES

He thinks it was just a figment of his imagination and drives on without a second thought. Soon he sees another sign which says:

SISTERS OF ST. NORTON
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
5 MILES

Suddenly, he begins to realize that these signs are for real. Then he drives past a third sign saying:

SISTERS OF ST, NORTON
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
NEXT RIGHT

His curiosity gets the best of him and he pulls into the drive. On the far side of the parking lot is a somber stone building with a small sign next to the door reading:

He climbs the steps and rings the bell. The door is answered by a nun in a long black habit who asks,

“What may we do for you, my son?”

He answers, “I saw your signs along the highway, and was interested in possibly doing business.”

“Very well, my son. Please follow me.”

He is led through many winding passages and is soon quite disoriented. The nun stops at a closed door, and tells the man,

“Please knock on this door.”

He does as he is told and this door is answered by another nun in a long habit, holding a tin cup. This nun instructs,

“Please place $50 in the cup, then go through the large wooden door at the end of this hallway.”

He gets $50 out of his wallet and places it in the second nun’s cup. He trots eagerly down the hall and slips through the door, pulling it shut behind him. As the door locks behind him, he finds himself back in the parking lot, facing another small sign:

GO IN PEACE
YOU HAVE JUST BEEN SCREWED
BY THE SISTERS OF ST. NORTON