Daily Joke: Jokes Library

In a Chicago hospital, a gentleman had made several attempts to get into the men’s restroom, but it had always been occupied. A nurse noticed his predicament. “Sir,” she said “You may use the ladies room if you promise not to touch any of the buttons on the wall.” He did what he needed to, and as he sat there he noticed the buttons he had promised not to touch. Each button was identified by letters: WW, WA, PP, and a red one labeled ATR.

Who would know if he touched them? He couldn’t resist.. He pushed WW. warm water was sprayed gently upon his bottom. What a nice feeling, he thought. Men restrooms don’t have nice things like this. Anticipating greater pleasure, he pushed the WA button. Warm air replaced the warm water, gently drying his underside. When this stopped, he pushed the PP button. A large powder puff caressed his bottom adding a fragile scent of spring flower to this unbelievable pleasure..

The ladies restroom was more than a restroom, it is tender loving pleasure. When the powder puff completed its pleasure, he couldn’t wait to push the ATR button which he knew would be supreme ecstasy. Next thing he knew he opened his eyes, he was in a hospital bed, and a nurse was staring down at him. “What happened?” he exclaimed. The last thing I remember was pushing the ATR button. “The button ATR is an Automatic Tampon Remover. Your manhood is under your pillow.”

Two blondes decide to go duck hunting.
Neither one of them has ever been duck hunting before
and after several hours they still haven’t bagged any.
One hunter looks at the other and says
“I just don’t understand it.
Why aren’t we getting any ducks?”
Her friend says “I keep telling you,
I just don’t think we’re throwing the dog high enough.”

A drunken Irishman is driving through the city of Dublin and
his car is weaving violently all over the road.
A cop pulls him over.
“So,” says the cop to the driver, “where have you been?”
“I’ve been to the pub,” slurs the drunk.
“Well,” says the cop, “it looks like you’ve had quite a few.”
“I did all right,” the drunk says with a smile.
“Did you know,” says the cop, standing straight and folding
his arms, “that a few miles back, your wife fell out of your car?”
“Oh, thank heavens,” sighs the man.
“For a minute there, I thought I’d gone deaf.”

A couple was watching a Discovery Channel special about an African bush tribe whose men all had manhood 24 inches long.  When males reach a certain age, a string is tied around their shaft and on the other end is a weight.  After a while, the weight stretches it to 24 inches

Later that evening as the husband was getting out of the shower, his wife looked down at him and said,  “How about we try the African string-and-weight procedure?”
The husband agreed and they tied a string and weight to his willy

A few days later, the wife asked the husband,  “How is our little tribal experiment coming along?”

“Well, it looks like we’re about half way there,” he replied.

“Wow, you’ve grown to 12 inches??”

“No…it’s turned black.”

Mrs. Jones, deeply troubled, was consulting a psychiatrist.
“My husband,” she said, “is convinced he’s a chicken.
He goes around squawking constantly and sleeps on a large
bar of wood he has fixed up as a perch.”
“I see,” said the psychiatrist thoughtfully.
“And how long has your husband been suffering from
this fixation?”
“For nearly two years now.”
The psychiatrist frowned slightly and said,
“But why have you waited till now to seek help?”
Mrs. Jones blushed and said,
“Oh, well it was so nice having a steady supply of eggs.”