Daily Joke: Jokes Library

Agency: Sir, we found 3 candidates as per your requirements. How do you want their placements, sir?

MD: Put about 100 bricks in a closed room. Then send the candidates into the room and close the door, leave them alone and come back after a few hours and analyse the situation:

1. If they are counting the bricks, put them in Accounts department.

2. If they are recounting the bricks, put them in Auditing.

3. If they messed up the whole room with the bricks, put them in Engineering.

4. If they are arranging the bricks in some strange order, put them in Planning.

5. If they are throwing the bricks at each other, put them in Operations

6. If they are sleeping, put them in Security.

7. If they broke the bricks into pieces, put them in Information Technology.

8. If they are sitting idle, put them in Human Resources.

9. If they say they have tried different combinations yet not a single brick has been moved, put them in Sales.

10. If they have already left for the day, Put them in Marketing.

11. If they are staring out of the window, put them in Strategic Planning. And…

12. If they are talking to each other and not a single brick has been touched, Congratulate them and put them in Top Management.

Paddy and Murphy fancy a pint but they only have one Euro between them.

Paddy takes the Euro, goes off and buys a Sausage.

Murphy says “R U Mad?” Now we’re skint!” Come on, says Paddy, follow me.

They go into the pub, order two pints and drink them down before they pay.

Paddy shoves the sausage through the zipper in his jeans and tells Murphy, “Get down on your knees and suck it”.

The barman goes berserk and throws them out. 10 Pubs and 10 Pints later Murphy says “I can’t do this anymore, my knees are sore and I’m pissed”.

“How do you think I feel”, says Paddy, “I can’t even remember which Pub I lost the sausage in”!

A nun was walking in the convent when one of the priests noticed she was gaining a little. weight. “Gaining a little weight are we sister Susan?” he asked.
“No, Father. Just a little gas.” sister Susan explained.
A month or so later the priest noticed that she had gained even more weight.
“Gaining some weight are we sister Susan?” he asked again. “Oh no, father. Just a little gas.”
She replied again. A couple of months later the priest noticed sister Susan pushing a baby carriage around the convent.
He leaned over and looked in the carriage and said, “Cute little fart.”

Little Johnny went to the first day of kindergarten and sat down. His teacher went around the room and was asking every boy and girl his or her name.

When she got to Johnny he said, “My name is Little Johnny, but they call me ‘Bonnie’ and that pisses me off.”

Sensing some anger she said to Little Johnny, “This is kindergarten Johnny, we don’t talk like that.”

Then she went around and asked everyone his or her address.

When she got back to Little Johnny he said, “I live on Third Street but they call it ‘Turd Street’ and that really pisses me off.”

She said, “Little Johnny I want you to meet me after class at my desk.”

“Yes ma’am.” Little Johnny said. So he meets her at the desk.

The teacher says, “You seem like a smart little boy can you tell me what this means?”

Then she pulls up her dress.

He says, “Of course I can. That means you wanna diddle and I’m too little and that really pisses me off.”

A city slicker moves to the country and decides he’s going
to take up farming.
He heads to the local co-op and tells the man,
“Give me 100 baby chickens.” The co-op man complies.
A week later the man returns and says,
“Give me 200 baby chickens.”
The co-op man complies.
Again, a week later the man returns.
This time he says, “Give me 500 baby chickens.”
“Wow!” the co-op man replies.
“You must really be doing well!”
“Naw,” said the man with a sigh.
“I’m either planting them too deep or too far apart!”