Daily Joke: Jokes Library

Someone mistakenly left the cages open in the reptile house
at the Bronx Zoo and there were snakes slithering all over
the place. Frantically, the keeper tried everything, but he could not get
them back in their cages.
Finally he yelled to his co-worker, “Quick, call a lawyer!”
The co-worker responded, “A lawyer? Why??”
The zookeeper barked back,
“We need someone who speaks their language!”

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer.

“So what do you do?” the bartender chats him up.

“Well I used to work in food service, but I just got a new job in IT,” the guy says.

“How was it changing careers?” the bartender asks.

“Well, you know, a job is a job. I guess the biggest difference is that the phase ‘My server went down on me,’ is no longer a good thing,” the guy replies.

An old man, Mr. Goldstein, was living the last of his life in a nursing home.
One day he appeared to be very sad and depressed.
Nurse Tracy asked if there was anything wrong.
“Yes, Nurse Tracy,” said Mr. Goldstein,
“My private part died today, and I am very sad.”
Knowing her patients were forgetful and sometimes a little crazy, she replied, “Oh, I’m so sorry, Mr. Goldstein, please accept my condolences.”
The following day, Mr. Goldstein was walking down the hall with his private part hanging out of his pajamas, when he met Nurse Tracy.
“Mr. Goldstein,” she said, “You shouldn’t be walking down the hall like that.
Please put your private part back inside your pajamas.”
“But, Nurse Tracy,” replied Mr. Goldstein,
“I told you yesterday that my private part died.”
“Yes, you did tell me that, but why is it hanging out of your pajamas?” asked Nurse Tracy.
“Well,” he replied. “Today’s the viewing.

Three guys checked into the hotel. Their room was on the 45th floor and administrator 1warned them, that elevator works just till 12pm.
They left all bags at the room and went to the restaurant.
When they arrived, the elevator was no longer working and they had to walk by foot. so it won’t be so boring, they desided to tell some jokes, scarry stories and sing some songs.
First man told some very good jokes. The second one sang beautiful songs.
Till now they have passed 30 floors. It’s time for the 3th man to tell some scary stories.
And he began to tell “Get ready to hear the most scariest thing that you ever heard. We forgot our keys at the reception”

I took my 13-year-old son with me to a large charity barbecue. A few thousand people there and several different rib joints you can sample. It was awesome, the food was fantastic.

There was also a large beer tent that had a band with many people in it. Band was pretty good the music while people ate their food.

I grabbed a table with my son and we were eating our dinner when I noticed I had lost my Rolex sometime that day. Since my grandpa left it to me in his will, this was pretty upsetting.

Shortly after we finished our meal, a man and a woman began arguing near the area where we entered the tent. It looked like it was getting pretty intense, so I walked over to see if I could help. As I got closer to the arguing couple … it began to escalate. The guy pushed the woman really hard and she fell back. I am not much of a tough guy, but in anger I punched him with every thing I had. As he fell to the ground, I noticed right where he had been standing … was my missing Rolex, squished into the grass.

I am pretty sure I did the right thing, as there was no way I was going to let that s*** happen, on my watch.