02/09/2022 from Daily Jokes
#15675
A widowed Jewish woman, mid 50′s, went to a Tel Aviv beach for the first time since her husband passed.
She was still attractive and looked good in her bathing suit.
On the same beach was an attractive man, mid 50’s, getting some sun and reading a book.
She put her blanket down next to his and began a conversation.“Whatcha reading”
“A book”. Not much of an answer, she thought to herself.
She pursued, “My husband passed several months ago and this is the first time I’ve been to this beach since then.”
“I’m a widower too and my wife passed several months ago also.”
He continued reading his book, seemingly not in the mood for further conversation.
Frustrated, she asked, “Do you like pussyc@ts?”
With that, the man put down his book, joined the lady on her blanket, took of his trunks, ripped off her bathing suit and the two went at it, right there.
Out of breath, the lady asked, “How did you know that’s what I wanted?”
The man responded, “How did you know my name is Katz?”
02/08/2022 from Daily Jokes
#15671
A sheriff of a small town is patrolling the town one night when he comes across a cowboy walking up Main St.
The cowboy is wearing nothing except his hat, boots, and gunbelt.
The sheriff is a bit surprised at first but gets over his initial shock and arrests the cowboy for indecent exposure.
The sheriff locks the cowboy in the cell with a pair of pants, then turns back and asks him, “How is it I came across you walking around naked like that?”
The cowboy says, “Well, sheriff, it went like this. I was out at a bar earlier tonight and I saw this gorgeous girl sitting at the bar. We got to talking, danced a while, had a few beers, and next thing you know we’re making out in her trailer. She took off her shirt and told me to take off my shirt, so I did. Then she took off her shorts and told me to take off my jeans, so I did. Then she took off her bra and her panties and told me to take off my boxers, so I did. Then she went and lay down on the bed, spread her legs, looked at me kinda sexy and said ‘Now go to town, cowboy!’And, well, here I am!”
02/07/2022 from Daily Jokes
#15668
On the way home they both need the toilet, so decide to stop at a graveyard, but they have nothing to wipe with.
The first takes off her panties and uses them, while the other takes a wreath and uses that.
The next day, one of their husbands calls the other and says:”No more girls nights out. My wife came home with no panties.”
The other husband says:”That’s nothing. Mine came home with a card in her crack that said ‘from all of us at the fire station, we will never forget you. “
02/06/2022 from Daily Jokes
#15665
When he got there, he asked a cashier, “What aisle are the…”
“…raisins in?” she asked.
“How… how did you know?”
“I am a psychic. I can read minds.”
“Really? Well then, what am I…”
“Thinking now? You’re thinking about what I might look like naked.”
“Yes, I am.”
“And now you’re emboldened by the fact that I’m not acting disgusted, so now you think you have a chance to sleep with me.”
“Also true.”
“And now you have realized the futility of trying to front or flirt, since I know exactly what you’re thinking, no matter how you act or what you say.”
“I am helpless… truly, before you.”
“Then why do you smirk so confidently?”
“Because you don’t actually know where the fucking raisins are, do you…”
02/05/2022 from Daily Jokes
#15663
A woman marries the man of her dreams, but on their wedding night he will only consummate the marriage under the sheets with the lights off.
The woman thinks this is a bit strange, but she figures he’s just shy about his first time and doesn’t read too much into it.
Over the next 30 years, the couple builds a life together. They buy a house, get a dog, and have three amazing children, but the woman has just one problem.
Her husband will still only have s3x with her if they’re under the sheets with the lights off.
One night, the woman has had enough and decides to get to the bottom of things.
She hides a flashlight under her pillow, and just as things are heating up she throws back the sheets and shines the light at their bodies.
She is amazed to discover that her husband has an incredibly tiny p3n!s, and is wearing a very realistic strap-on over it.
The woman feels betrayed and starts screaming at her husband, asking him how he could lie to her for 30 years and telling him she feels like a fool for believing him all this time.
When her husband finally gets a chance to speak, he responds:”I’ll explain the toy if you explain the kids.”