03/21/2022 from Daily Jokes
#15821
A small tourist hotel was all abuzz about an afternoon wedding where the groom was 95 and the bride was 23.
The groom looked pretty feeble and the feeling was that the wedding night might kill him because his bride was a healthy, vivacious young woman.
But lo and behold, the next morning, the bride came down the main staircase slowly, step by step, hanging onto the bannister for dear life.
She finally managed to get to the counter of the little shop in the hotel.
The clerk looked really concerned,
“Whatever happened to you, honey? You look like you’ve been wrestling an alligator!
The bride groaned, hung on to the counter and managed to speak,
“Ohhh my God! He told me he’d been saving up for 75 years and I thought he meant his money!!”
03/20/2022 from Daily Jokes
#15817
It was Saturday evening in the nursing home:
An old man, who was feeling rather frisky, looked over and said to the old lady sitting next to him.
“I know just what you’re wanting! I will give you $5 if you let me have s** with you over there in that rocking chair.”
The old lady looked surprised, but she didn’t say a word and just kept rocking away in her chair.
Frustrated at her lack of response, the old man continued.
“For $10 I’ll do it with you on that nice soft sofa over there.”
There was still no response from the old lady, so he went all-in with his final offer.
“For $20 I’ll take you back to my room, light some candles and give you the most romantic evening you’ve ever had in your life.”
The old lady still said nothing, but after a couple of minutes, she started digging down in her purse.
She pulled out a wrinkled $20 bill and held it up to the old man.
His eyes lit up at this.
“So you want the nice romantic evening in my room.” The old man asked her.
“Get serious.” She replied. “I want it four times in the rocking chair!”
And here I thought life in the nursing home consisted of watching television, line dancing and dodging puddles of pee. Maybe it’s not so bad after all….🤣
03/19/2022 from Daily Jokes
#15814
After his exam, the doctor said to the elderly man, “You appear to be in good health. Do you have any medical concerns you would like to ask me about?”
“In fact, I do,” said the old man. “After I make love to my wife, the first time I am usually hot and sweaty, and then after we make love the second time, I am usually cold and chilly.”
After examining his elderly wife, the doctor said, “Everything appears to be fine. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?”
The lady replied that she had no questions or concerns.
The doctor then said to her, “Your husband had an unusual concern. He claims that he is usually hot and sweaty after making love with you the first time, and then cold and chilly after the second time. Do you know why?”
“Oh, that crazy old fart…” she replied. “That’s because the first time is usually in August, and the second time is in January!”
03/18/2022 from Daily Jokes
#15809
A man came home from work and found his three children outside, still in their pyjamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard.
The door of his wife’s car was open, as was the front door to the house and there was no sign of the dog.
Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess.
A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall.
In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing.
In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.
He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife.
He was worried she might be ill, or that something serious had happened.
He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bathroom door.
As he peered inside he found wet towels, scummy soap and more toys strewn over the floor.
Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls.
As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her pyjamas, reading a novel.
She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went.
He looked at her bewildered and asked, ‘What happened here today?’
She again smiled and answered, “You know every day when you come home from work and you ask me what in the world I do all day?”
“Yes,” was his incredulous reply.
She answered, “Well, today I didn’t do it.”
03/17/2022 from Daily Jokes
#15805
One night, Little johnny wakes up and decides he needs to take a p!ss.
So he gets out of bed and on his way to the toilet he stops by his mom and dad’s room and catches them having s*x, he then says “Dad what are you doing with mom?”
His dad replies “I’m playing poker, your mum my partner now get lost!”
Then he stops by his sister’s room and this time catches her and her boyfriend having s*x and says “What are you doing?”
to which she replies: “I’m playing poker, my boyfriends my partner – now go to bed you little freak!”
About an hour later little johnny’s Dad walks into his bedroom and says: “Johnny what are you doing”
Johnny replies I’m playing poker, why?
“Who’s your partner then?” his dad asks.
To which Johnny says: “Who needs a partner when you’ve got a good hand.”