03/31/2022 from Daily Jokes
#15851
A farmer’s wife comes out into the field as he’s plowing and begins to nag at him.
Moments later, one of the mules pulling the plow kicks her right in the head, killing her.
After the funeral, the priest walks up to the bereaved man and asks, “I noticed that many people approached you and offered their condolences. Whenever a woman would approach you and speak, I could see you smiling and nodding your head up in down in affirmation. But, whenever a man would speak with you, you’d frown and shake your head ‘no’. Why was there such a difference in your reaction?”
“Well, Father”, the man replied, “All the women kept remarking about what a wonderful woman my wife was, or how beautiful she looked, and all I could do was agree.”
“But what about the men?”, asked the priest.
“Well”, the man answered, “They kept asking me if I’d be willing to sell them that mule.”
03/30/2022 from Daily Jokes
#15848
A cowboy passes by a ranch and strikes up a conversation with the rancher sitting by the gate.
The cowboy asks the rancher,
“Mind if I talk to your dog over there?”
“Damn fool, don’t you know dogs can’t talk?”
The cowboy replies, “So what’s the harm?”
The rancher shrugs, “Go right ahead.”
The cowboy ambles up to the dog and says, “Howdy!”
The dog replies, “Hello.”
The rancher’s eyes pop wide open.
The cowboy continues, “Does your master here treat you alright?”
“Sure does. He feeds me, lets me sleep inside, and every day he takes me to the lake.”
The cowboy asks the shocked rancher,
“Mind if I talk to your horse over there?”
The rancher replies,
“Now, I don’t know what you’re up to, but I know for a fact that horses can’t talk.”
“Well then, what’s the harm?”
“Go right ahead,” says the rancher.
The cowboy says to the horse, “Hello.”
The horse replies, “Hello.”
The rancher’s jaw drops.
The cowboy asks, “Your owner here treat you OK?”
“Sure,” replies the horse, tossing his mane.
“He rides me every day, brushes me down, feeds me well, and he keeps me in the barn out of the bad weather.”
The cowboy looks satisfied and turns to the rancher,
“Are those your sheep over there?”
The rancher looks alarmed and stammers,
“Listen to them sheep out there, they’re – they’re nothing but a bunch of liars!”
03/29/2022 from Daily Jokes
#15846
A farmer is out at the edge of his field, lounging in the morning sun next to his donkey when a man on a bike rides up and asks
“excuse me, do you have the correct time? My watch is wrong”.
The farmer reaches over to his donkey, lifts its test!cles for a moment then says
“It’s 25 past 9.”
The rider is taken aback, “are you sure?” He asked.
The farmer simply nods curtly, giving another cursory glance to the donkey’s pendulous balls.
The rider adjusts his watch, hesitantly thanks the farmer and carries on.
Later on, the farmer is having his lunch in the same spot and the same cyclist rides up from the other side.
“Hello again, can I trouble you for the time once more?”.
Once again the farmer leans over and lifts the donkey’s plums and says
“it’s 10 past 12”.
The man confirms it with his watch to the minute.
“That’s amazing,” he says,
“how can you get such accurate time from checking a donkey’s privates?”.
The farmer beckons the rider closer, and lifts the mule’s sack once more and points at the now visible clock tower just over the hill…
03/28/2022 from Daily Jokes
#15843
After their barn burned down,
Bob’s wife Sally called their insurance agent to file a claim and demand the amount the barn was insured for, $60,000.
“Hold on just a second there, that’s not the way it works. First, we’ll send out an adjuster to assess the damage, then we’ll provide you with a replacement barn, just like the original,” stated the agent.
After a lengthy pause,
Sally replied,
“What! Well, if that’s the way it works, cancel the life insurance on my husband immediately.”
03/27/2022 from Daily Jokes
#15840
A man decided to take his wife deer hunting for the first time:
After he explained the basics to his blonde wife, he told her the most important piece of information.
“Whenever you shoot something, make sure to claim it right away or the first person who gets to your kill can claim it as their own, so be quick if we want to have deer meat in the refrigerator.” He said.
They departed to their deer boxes and waited for some deer.
Minutes later he heard his blonde wife’s gun go off.
The husband decided to make sure she went to claim her kill instead of giving it away to someone.
When he got to his blonde wife she was arguing with another man who was waving his hands in the air.
The man said.
“OK, fine lady you can have your deer but do you mind if I get my saddle off before you take it away?”