09/26/2022 from Daily Jokes
#16445
A woman goes out shopping with her husband and spots a pair of shoes she likes and must have…
The husband says,
“No f*cking chance love, They’re too expensive!”
Later on that night in bed,
The wife is just falling off to sleep when the husband tries his luck and places his hands on her hips….
She turns to him and says,
“No f*cking chance love, If you aint prepared to shoe the horse then you aint f*ckin riding it!!”
09/25/2022 from Daily Jokes
#16442
An old French lady had a small shop in her village for years until one day a huge corporate supermarket set up across the road from her little shop:
They put up signs advertising their prices, including one that said: Butter – 10 euros
In response, the old lady added a sign to her own window: Butter – 9 euros
The next day, the big supermarket had a new sign: Butter – 8 euros
Sure enough, the day after the lady’s sign now read: Butter – 7 euros
This went on for a while until eventually one of the lady’s customers pointed to the sign and said.
“Madame, you cannot keep your prices so low for long. These big companies can use their buying power to sell products cheaper, but a little store like yours can never compete.”
In response, the old lady bent forward conspiratorially and muttered.
“Monsieur, I don’t even sell butter.”
09/24/2022 from Daily Jokes
#16438
A man just came back from a journey that lasted one week.
He sat down, looking tired, & unhappy.
His 3-year-old daughter came to him and goes:
Daddy, Mummy has just gone out.”
Daddy: “Where has she gone to?
Baby: “To do her hair”.
Daddy: “OK”.
Baby: “Daddy, are you annoyed.”
Daddy: “Not at all. Why do you ask?
Baby: Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, if you smile to me now I will tell you who sleeps with Mummy on her bed each time you travel.”
The man became very anxious, breathing heavily and his heart was just pounding, believing that the cat was going to be let out of the bag.
He quickly oozed out a very broad smile, hugged the small girl pulled her closer to himself.
Daddy: “Oya tell me now, I’ve smiled. You want me to smile again.”
He kept on smiling.
Baby: Smiled, jumped up twice & said. Daddy, it’s me. And I have stopped urinating on Mommy’s bed…
09/23/2022 from Daily Jokes
#16435
A man and his wife are awakened at 3 o’clock in the morning by a loud pounding on the door.
The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.
Not a chance,” says the husband,
“it is 3 o’clock in the morning! He slams the door and returns to bed. Who was that?” asked his wife.
Just some drunk guy asking for a push,”
Did you help him?” she asks.
No, I did not, it is 3 o’clock in the morning and it is pouring out there!”
Well, you have a short memory. Can’t you remember, about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!”
The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain.
“Hello, are you still there?” Do you still need a push?” calls out the husband.
“Yes, please!” comes the reply from the dark.
“Where are you?” asks the husband.
“Over here on the swing!”… replies the drunk…
09/22/2022 from Daily Jokes
#16432
Two children, Johnny and Alex were sitting outside a clinic.
Alex was crying very loudly.
Johnny: Why are you crying?
Alex: I came here for a blood test.
Johnny: So? Are you afraid?
Alex: No. For the blood test, they cut my finger.
After hearing this Johnny started weeping making Alex feel surprised as well as curious and Alex asked:
Why are you crying now?
Johnny: I came for a urine test!