Daily Joke: Jokes Library

A firefighter was working on the engine outside the station when he noticed a little girl nearby in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the sides and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.

The girl was wearing a firefighter’s helmet. The wagon was being pulled by her dog and her cat.

The firefighter walked over to take a closer look. “That sure is a nice fire truck,” the firefighter said with admiration.

“Thanks,” the girl replied.

The firefighter looked a little closer and noticed the girl had tied the wagon to her dog’s collar and to the cat’s testicles.

“Little Partner,” the fire fighter said, “I don’t want to tell you how to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat’s collar, I think it could go faster.”

The little girl replied thoughtfully,

“You’re probably right, but then I wouldn’t have a siren.”

An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests, the last of which had left his bodily systems extremely upset.

Upon making several false alarm trips to the bathroom, he decided the latest episode was another and stayed put.

He suddenly filled his bed with diarrhoea and was embarrassed beyond his ability to remain rational.

In a complete loss of composure, he jumped out of bed, gathered up the bed sheets and threw them out of the hospital window.

An old drunk was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him.

He started yelling, cursing, and swinging his arms violently trying to get the unknown things off and ended up with the soiled sheets in a tangled pile at his feet.

As the drunk stood there, unsteady on his feet, staring down at the sheets, a hospital security guard, (barely containing his laughter), and who had watched the whole incident, walked up and asked,

‘ What the heck is going on here?’

The old drunk man, still staring down at the bedsheets in amazement, replied:

‘I think I just beat the sh!t out of a ghost.’

One weekend, the husband is in the bathroom shaving when the kid he hired to mow his lawn, a local kid named Bubba, comes into pee.

The husband slyly looks over and is shocked at how immensely endowed Bubba is.

He can’t help himself and asks Bubba what his secret is.

“Well,” says Bubba,

“Every night before I climb into bed with a girl, I whack my manhood on the bedpost three times. It works, and it sure impresses the girls!”

The husband was excited at this easy suggestion and decided to try it that very night.

So before climbing into bed with his wife, he took out his manhood and whacked it three times on the bedpost.

His wife, half-asleep, said,

“Bubba? Is that you?”

A pianist was hired to play background music for a movie.
When it was completed he asked when and where he could see the picture.
The producer sheepishly confessed that it was actually a porn film and it was due out in a month.

A month later, the musician went to a porn theater to see the adult movie.
With his collar up and dark glasses on, he took a seat in the back row of the adult cinema, next to a couple who also seemed to be in disguise.
The movie was even raunchier than he had feared, featuring group sex, S/M, bondage and even a dog.
After a while watching the adult movie, the embarrassed pianist turned to the couple and said, “I’m only here to listen to the music.”
“Yeah?” replied the man. “We’re only here to see our dog.”

A policeman pulls over an old man in a pickup truck because the bed of his truck is full of ducks.

The officer says,

“Sir, it is unacceptable to have this flock of ducks downtown, take them to the Zoo this instant!”

The old man confirms that he will and drives off.

The next day the officer sees the same man in the same truck still full of ducks.

Only this time all the ducks are wearing sunglasses.

The officer pulls him over again and yells,

“I told you to take these ducks to the Zoo!”

The old man replies,

“I did! But now the little buggers want to go to the beach!”