04/14/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17035
A young man named John received a parrot as a gift.
The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary.
Every word out of the bird’s mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity.
John tried and tried to change the bird’s attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and doing anything else he could think of to ‘clean up’ the bird’s vocabulary.
Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot.
The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even ruder.
John, in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer.
For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed.
Then suddenly there was total quiet.
Not a peep was heard for over a minute.
Fearing that he’d hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer.
The parrot calmly stepped out onto John’s outstretched arms and said
“I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I’m sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude
and unforgivable behaviour.”
John was stunned at the change in the bird’s attitude.
As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behaviour, the bird spoke-up, up very softly,
“May I ask what the turkey did?”
04/13/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17032
The professor showed a large cage with a male rat in it.
The rat was in the middle of the cage.
Then, the professor kept a piece of cake on one side and kept a female rat on the other side.
The male rat ran towards the cake and ate it.
Then, the professor changed the cake and replaced it with some bread.
The male rat ran towards the bread.
This experiment went on with the professor changing the food every time.
And, every time, the male rat ran towards the food item and never towards the female rat.
Professor said: This experiment shows that food is the greatest strength and attraction.
Then, one of the students from the back rows said,
“Sir, why don’t you change the female rat? This one may be his wife!”
04/12/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17029
Little Johnny failed the law & decided to make a deal with professor
Little Johnny: sir, do u know everything about law?
Prof: yes
Little Johnny; if you can answer this question, I will accept my final marks, if you can’t, you have to give me ‘A” professor agreed
Then Johnny asked,
‘what is legal but not logical, logical but not legal & neither legal nor logical?
The prof thought about it for hours & pondered… But no answer.
He had to finally give up as he really did not know.
He gave the boy his ‘A’ The following day, the professor asked the same question to his students.
He was shocked when all of them raised their hands.
He asked one student the same question.
He answered:
Sir, you’re 65, married to 28 years old, this is legal but not logical. Your wife is having an affair with a 23-year-old boy, this is logical but not legal. Your wife’s boyfriend has failed his
exam & yet you have given him an ‘A’ It’s neither logical nor legal!
The professor collapsed!
04/11/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17025
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said,
“You should do it because you get up first, and then we don’t have to wait as long to get our coffee.”
The husband said,
“You are in charge of the cooking around here so you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.
“Wife replies,
“No, you should do it, and besides it says in the Bible that the man should do the coffee.”
The husband replies,
“I can’t believe that! Show me.”
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says,
“HEBREWS.”
04/10/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17022
Two men are having an awfully slow round of golf because the two ladies in front of them managed to get into every sand trap, lake, and rough on the course,
and they didn’t bother to wave the men on through, which is proper golf etiquette.
After two hours of waiting and waiting, one man said,
“I think I’ll walk up there and ask those gals to let us play through.”
He walked out to the fairway, got halfway to the ladies, stopped,turned around and came back, explaining,
“I can’t do it. One of those women is my wife and the other is my mistress. Maybe you’d better go talk to them.”
The second man walked toward the ladies, go halfway there and, just as his partner had done, stopped,turned around and walked back.
He smiled sheepishly and said, “Small World!”