08/11/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17417
An elderly woman decided to have her portrait painted.
She told the artist,
“Paint me with diamond earrings, a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets, a ruby broach, and a gold Rolex.”
“But you are not wearing any of those things,” replied the artist.
“I know,” she said.
“It’s in case I should die before my husband. I’m sure he will remarry right away, and I want his new wife to go crazy looking for the jewellery.”
08/10/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17414
Two small boys, not yet old enough to be in school, were overheard talking at the zoo one day.
My name is Billy. What’s yours?”, asked the first boy. Tommy”, replied the second.
“My Daddy’s an accountant. What does your Daddy do for a Iiving?”, asked Billy.
Tommy replied, “My Daddy’s a lawyer.”
“Honest?”, asked Billy.
“No, just the regular kind”, replied Tommy.
08/09/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17412
A husband and wife went to the fairgrounds.
The wife wanted to go on the Ferris wheel, but the husband wasn’t comfortable with that.
So the wife went on the ride by herself.
The wheel went round and round and suddenly the wife was thrown out and landed in a heap at her husband’s feet.
”Are you hurt?” he asked.
”Of course I’m hurt!” she replied.
“Three times around and you didn’t wave once!”
08/08/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17410
An old man lay sprawled across three entire seats in the movie theatre.
When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the old man,
“Sorry sir, but you’re only allowed one seat.”
The old man groaned but didn’t budge.
The usher became more impatient.
“Sir, if you don’t get up from there I’m going to have to call the manager.”
Once again, the old man just groaned.
The usher marched briskly back up the aisle, and in a moment he returned with the manager.
Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move the old disheveled man, but with no success.
Finally they summoned the police.
The officer surveyed the situation briefly then asked,
“All right buddy what’s your name?”
“Fred,” the old man moaned.
“Where ya from, Fred?” asked the police officer.
With terrible pain in his voice, and without moving a muscle, Fred replied,
“The balcony.”
08/07/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17407
There was an old man who was known for his wisdom.
One day, a young man approached him and asked,
“Sir, what is the secret to a long and happy life?”
The old man replied,
“Well, there are three things you need to do. First, you need to eat healthy food and exercise regularly. Second, you need to surround yourself with people you love and who love you. And finally, you need to keep your mind active
and always be learning something new.”
The young man was impressed and asked,
“And how old are you, sir?”
The old man replied,
“I’m 100 years old.”
The young man was amazed and asked,
” And what’s your secret to living so long?”
The old man grinned and said,
“I lie about my age!”