Daily Joke: Jokes Library

A young couple came into the church office to fill out a pre-marriage questionnaire form.

The young man, who had never talked to a pastor before, was quite nervous and the pastor tried to put him at ease.

When they came to the question,

“Are you entering this marriage of your own free will?”

There was a long pause.

Finally, the girl looked over at the apprehensive young man and said,

“Put down yes!”

The cowboy was trying to buy a health insurance policy.

The insurance agent was going down the list of standard questions.

“Ever have an accident?”

“Nope, nary a one.”

“None? You’ve never had any accidents.”

“Nope. Ain’t had one. Never.”

“Well, you said in this form you were bitten by a snake once. Wouldn’t you consider that an accident?”

“Heck, no. That dang varmint bit me on purpose.”

An old man, a boy and a donkey were going to town.

The boy rode on the donkey and the old man walked.

As they went along they passed some people who remarked it was a shame the old man was walking and the boy was riding.

The man and boy thought maybe the critics were right,so they changed positions.

Later, they passed some people that remarked,

What a shame, he makes that little boy walk.

They then decided they both would walk.

Soon they passed some more people who thought they were stupid to walk when they had a decent donkey to ride. So, they both rode the donkey.

Now they passed some people that shamed them by saying how awful to put such a load on a poor donkey.

The boy and man said they were probably right, so they decided to carry the donkey.

As they crossed the bridge, they lost their grip on the animal and it fell into the river and drowned.

The moral of the story?

If you try to please everyone, you might as well kiss your *** goodbye.

A lady was scheduled to fly from North Carolina to Germany, where her husband was stationed in the military.

As she checked in at the airport, the security agent asked some standard security questions.

“Has anyone given you any packages that you didn’t pack yourself?” he asked.

She told him her mother-in-law had given her a package to take to her son.

The agent looked at her very carefully and asked:

“Does she like you?”

Two elderly women, Marie & Edith, were driving.

Neither could see over the dashboard.

As they were cruising along they came to an intersection.

The stoplight was red but they just went on through.

Edith in the passenger seat thought to herself:

“I must be losing it, I could have sworn we just went through a red light.”

After a few more minutes they came to another intersection and the light was red again and again they went right through.

This time Edith was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it.

She was getting nervous and decided to pay very close attention to the road and the next intersection to see what was going on.

At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was definitely red and they went right through.

She turned to Marie and said:

“Marie! Did you know we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us!”

Marie turned to her and said:

“Oh, am I driving?”