08/21/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17456
There were these two elderly people living in a Florida mobile home park.
He was a widower and she a widow.
They had known one another for a number of years.
Now, one evening there was a community supper in the big activity centre.
These two were at the same table, across from one another.
As the meal went on, he made a few admiring glances at her and finally gathered up his courage to ask her,
“Will you marry me?”
After a dramatic pause and precisely six seconds of ‘careful consideration,’ she answered.
“Yes. Yes, I will.”
The meal ended and with a few more pleasant exchanges and they went to their respective places.
Next morning, he was troubled. “Did she say ‘yes’ or did she say ‘no’?”
He couldn’t remember.
Try as he would, he just could not recall. Not even a faint memory.
With trepidation, he went to the telephone and called her.
First, he explained to her that he didn’t remember as well as he used to.
Then he reviewed the lovely evening past.
As he gained a little more courage, he then inquired of her,
“When I asked if you would marry me, did you say ‘Yes’ or did you say ‘No’?”
He was delighted to hear her say,
“Why, I said, ‘Yes, yes I will’ and I meant it with all my heart.”
Then she continued,
“And I am so glad that you called because I couldn’t remember who had asked me.”
08/20/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17453
There were these two elderly people living in a Florida mobile home park.
He was a widower and she a widow.
They had known one another for a number of years.
Now, one evening there was a community supper in the big activity centre.
These two were at the same table, across from one another.
As the meal went on, he made a few admiring glances at her and finally gathered up his courage to ask her,
“Will you marry me?”
After a dramatic pause and precisely six seconds of ‘careful consideration,’ she answered.
“Yes. Yes, I will.”
The meal ended and with a few more pleasant exchanges and they went to their respective places.
Next morning, he was troubled. “Did she say ‘yes’ or did she say ‘no’?”
He couldn’t remember.
Try as he would, he just could not recall. Not even a faint memory.
With trepidation, he went to the telephone and called her.
First, he explained to her that he didn’t remember as well as he used to.
Then he reviewed the lovely evening past.
As he gained a little more courage, he then inquired of her,
“When I asked if you would marry me, did you say ‘Yes’ or did you say ‘No’?”
He was delighted to hear her say,
“Why, I said, ‘Yes, yes I will’ and I meant it with all my heart.”
Then she continued,
“And I am so glad that you called because I couldn’t remember who had asked me.”
08/19/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17449
A man goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot.
The shop owner points to three identical-looking parrots on a perch and says, “The parrot on the left costs $500.”
“Why does the parrot cost so much?” asks the customer.
The owner says, “Well, the parrot knows how to do legal research.”
The customer then asks about the next parrot, to be told that this one costs $1,000 because it can do everything the other parrot can do plus it knows how to write a brief that will win any case.
Naturally, the increasingly startled customer asks about the third parrot, to be told that it costs $4,000.
Needless to say, this aroused the question, “What can it do?”
To which the owner replies, “To be honest, I’ve never seen him do a thing, but the other two call him Senior Partner.”
08/18/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17446
On landing, the pilot says,
“Remember, this plane can only fly with two hunters, one pilot, and ONE bear.”
The hunters go out and return with two bears.
So the pilot says,
“I told you ONE bear!”
But the hunters point out that the previous year, on payment of an extra 100 rubles, the pilot had let them put two bears on board.
After long discussion centering on the impossibility of the thing and the disgraceful degree of inflation, the pilot takes 200 rubles and with much pushing and shoving the hunters get aboard with the two bears.
After struggling into the air and fitfully flying for about two hours, the plane gives up and plummets to the earth in a snowbank.
Climbing out from under the snow and the bears, the hunters ask the pilot where he thinks they are.
The pilot says, “About the same place where we crashed last year.”
08/17/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17444
An old man from Alabama moves to New York.
He walks into an “Everything under one roof” department store looking for a job.
He sits down, greets the manager, and shakes his hand.
The manager says,
“Do you have any sales experience?”
The man replies,
“Yes, I was a salesman back home in Alabama.”
They talk and get to know each other and the manager likes him so he gave him the job.
“You start tomorrow. I’ll come by after we close and see how you did.”
His first day on the job was rough, but he pulled through it.
After the store closed, the manager came down just like he said,
“How many customers bought something from you today?”
The man replies, “One.”
The boss looks at him and shouts, “Just one!?
Our salespeople have an average of 20 to 30 customers per day! “.
“How much was the sale for!?”
The man replies “$121,237.65”
The boss was now shocked: “What did you sell?”
The man says, “First I sold him a small fishhook. Then I sold him a medium fishhook. Then I sold him a larger fishhook. Then a new fishing rod. So I asked him where he was going to fish and he said on the coast, so I told him he needed a good boat, we went down to that department, and he got a twin-engine Boston Whaler. Then he said he didn’t think his Honda Civic would pull the boat, so I took him to the automotive department and sold him a truck.
Want better stock trading conditions?
The boss frowned and said,
“A man came here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and a truck???”
The man replied,
“No, the guy actually came here to buy some t.a.m.p.o.n.s for his wife and I said, “Man, your weekend’s busted, might as well go fishing’.
The following day, the boss gave the old man a promotion…