Daily Joke: Jokes Library

A lawyer was on vacation in a small farming town.

While walking through the streets on a quiet Sunday morning,

he came upon a large crowd gathered by the side of the road.

Going by instinct, the lawyer figured that there was some sort of auto collision.

He was eager to get to the injured parties but couldn’t get near the car.

Being a clever sort, he started shouting loudly,

“Let me through! Let me through! I am the son of the victim.”

The crowd made way for him.

Lying in front of the car was a donkey.

A man was leaving a convenience store with his morning coffee, when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery:

A black hearse was followed by a second black hearse about 50 Feet behind the first one.

Behind the second hearse was a solitary man walking a dog on a leash.

Behind him, a short distance back, were about 200 men walking single file.

The man couldn’t stand the curiosity.

He respectfully approached the man walking the dog and said:

“I am so sorry for your loss and this may be a bad time to disturb you, but I’ve never seen a funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?”

“My wife’s.”

”What happened to her?”

“She yelled at me and my dog attacked her.”

He inquired further. “But who is in the second hearse?” The man answered.

“My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when the dog turned on her.”

A very poignant and touching moment of brotherhood and silence passed between the two men.

“Can I borrow the dog?”

The man replied. “Get in line.”

The woodland animals decide to open a public restroom.

They all participate as best they can to build it, and Owl, the mayor of the woods gives it to the public.

The next day as Owl is taking a stroll, he notices that one of the windows is smashed.

He calls an urgent meeting where all the animals gather together.

I am sorry for this bothersome affair – the Owl says – but I’m afraid the public restroom’s window has been smashed by an unknown individual! Anyone, who’s responsible for or witnessed this act, please step forward.

Amid silence, the Rabbit stands up and apologises.

Well, it just happened to be, that Bear was in the stall next to me, and he ran out of toilet paper.

So instead he grabbed me, wiped his bottom with my fur and threw me out the window.

Because Bear wasn’t in the meeting, and he was the biggest baddest animal around, no one bothered to scold him, and the mayor just asked Rabbit to be more careful next time.

Immediately some volunteers stepped forward to fix the window, and by afternoon it was good as new.

On the second day, the mayor goes for his daily stroll and sees the window smashed again.

He calls another meeting and asks the culprit to step forward.

The Otter stood up.

Well, it just happened to be, that Bear was in the stall next to me, he ran out of toilet paper, wiped his bum with my fur and threw me out the window.

The window was fixed again, and that was the end of it.

On the third day, the mayor sees that the window is not smashed this time, instead, a whole section of the wall fell down.

He calls the meeting, asks if anyone knows about anything.

The Hedgehog stood up.

Well, it just happened to be, that Bear was in the stall next to me…

A few days before their 10th anniversary, the wife said

“I’ve put up with you for 10 years.”

“When I look out the window on our anniversary morning, I expect to see something that will do zero to 200 in under 5 seconds sitting in the driveway”.

That morning, she awoke, looked out the window and there in the driveway, wearing a bright red bow, was a brand new scale!

A young couple came into the church office to fill out a pre-marriage questionnaire form.

The young man, who had never talked to a pastor before, was quite nervous and the pastor tried to put him at ease.

When they came to the question,

“Are you entering this marriage of your own free will?”

There was a long pause.

Finally, the girl looked over at the apprehensive young man and said,

“Put down yes!”