12/03/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17816
A little silver-haired lady calls her neighbour and says,
“Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can’t figure out how to get started.”
Her neighbour asks, “What is it supposed to be when it’s finished?”
The little silver-haired lady says,
“According to the picture on the box, it’s a rooster.”
Her neighbour decides to go over and help with the puzzle.
She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.
He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says,
“First of all, no matter what we do, we’re not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster.
He takes her hand and says,
“Secondly, I want you to relax. Let’s have a nice cup of tea, and then,”
he said with a deep sigh ………… (scroll down)
“Let’s put all the Corn Flakes back in the box.”
12/02/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17813
Mr. Bear and Mr. Rabbit live in the same forest, but they don’t like each other.
One day, they come across a golden frog who offers them three wishes each.
Mr. Bear wishes that all the other bears in the forest were female.
Mr. Rabbit wishes for a crash helmet.
Mr. Bear’s second wish is that all the bears in the neighboring forests were female as well.
Mr. Rabbit wishes for a motorcycle.
Mr. Bear’s final wish is that all the other bears in the world were female, leaving him the only male bear in the world.
Mr. Rabbit revs the engine of his motorcycle and says,
“I wish that Mr. Bear was gay!” and rides off.
12/01/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17808
A woman saw an ad in the local newspaper which read:
“Purebred Police Dog $25.”
Thinking that it to be a great bargain, she called and ordered the dog to be delivered.
The next day a van arrived at her home and delivered the mangiest-looking mongrel she had ever seen.
In a rage, she telephoned the man who had placed the ad,
“How dare you call that mangy-mutt a purebred police dog?”
“Don’t let his looks deceive you, ma’am,” the man replied,
“He’s in the Secret Service.”
11/30/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17804
A wife asked her husband to describe her.
He said, ‘You’re A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K’.
She said, ‘What does that mean?’
He said, ‘Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Foxy, Gorgeous Hot’.
She said, ‘Oh that’s so lovely. What about I, J, K?’
He said, ‘ I’m Just Kidding’
11/29/2023 from Daily Jokes
#17800
The 80-year-old man sat down in the orthopedic surgeon’s office.
“You know, Doc,” he said,
“I’ve made love in more exotic cars than anyone I know. Must be at least a thousand.”
“And now, I suppose, you want me to treat you for the arthritis you got from scrunching up in all those uncomfortable positions?” the doctor asked.
“Hell, no!” the old fellow replied.
“I want to borrow your Lamborghini!”