Daily Joke: Jokes Library

A man brings his best buddy home for dinner unannounced at 5:30 after work.

His wife begins screaming at him and his friend just sits and listens in.

“My hair & makeup are not done, the house is a mess, the dishes are not done, I’m still in my pajamas and I can’t be bothered with cooking tonight! What the

hell did you bring him home for?”

Husband

“Because he’s thinking to get married.”

It was a practical session in the psychology class.

The professor showed a large cage with a male rat in it.

The rat was in the middle of the cage.

Then, the professor kept a piece of cake on one side and kept a female rat on the other side.

The male rat ran towards the cake and ate it.

Then, the professor changed the cake and replaced it with some bread.

The male rat ran towards the bread.

This experiment went on with the professor changing the food every time.

And, every time, the male rat ran towards the food item and never towards the female rat.

Professor said: This experiment shows that food is the greatest strength and attraction.

Then, one of the students from the back rows said:

“Sir, why don’t you change the female rat?This one may be his wife!”

The professor stood straight up his finger pointing towards the student and said

“You are a Damn Genius”

The husband called the wife on the phone and said

“Today I will bring dinner from the Second Wife”.

He came home and knocked.

And was knocked out!

He is in hospital now…

Actually, Second Wife is the name of a restaurant.

Bob, a 65-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful 25 year-old lady:

She proceeds to knock everyone’s socks off with her youthful appeal and charm.

She also hangs on Bob’s arm and listens intently to his every word.

His buddies at the club are all aghast.

They corner him and ask. “Bob, how’d you get the trophy girlfriend?”

Bob replies. “Girlfriend? She’s my wife!”

They’re knocked over, but continue to ask.

“So, how’d you persuade her to marry you?”

Bob says. “I lied about my age.”

His friends respond.

“What, did you tell her you were only 50?”

Bob smiles and says.

“No, I told her I was 90.”

An elderly woman decided to have her portrait painted.

She told the artist,

“Paint me with diamond earrings, a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets, a ruby broach, and a gold Rolex.”

“But you are not wearing any of those things,” replied the artist.

“I know,” she said.

“It’s in case I should die before my husband. I’m sure he will remarry right away, and I want his new wife to go crazy looking for the jewellery.”