01/31/2024 from Daily Jokes
#18025
Three mischievous old grannies were sitting on a bench outside a nursing home when an old man walked by.
One of the old ladies called out, saying,
“We bet we can tell exactly how old you are.”
The old man responded,
“There is no way you can.”
One of the women said,
“Sure we can! Just drop your pants and we can tell your exact age.”
Embarrassed just a little, but anxious to prove they couldn’t do it, he dropped.
They asked him to first turn around a couple of times and to jump up and down several times.
Then they all piped up and said,
“You’re 87 years old!”
Standing with his pants around his ankles, the old gent asked,
“How in the world did you guess?”
Slapping their knees and grinning from ear to ear, the three ladies happily yelled in unison…
“We were at your birthday party yesterday!”
01/30/2024 from Daily Jokes
#18022
The visiting Bible school supervisor asks little Johnny during Bible class,
“Who broke down the walls of Jericho?”
Little Johnny replies,
“I dunno, but it wasn’t me!”
The supervisor, taken aback by Johnny’s lack of basic Bible knowledge goes to the school principal and relates the whole incident.
The principal replies,
“I know Little Johnny as well as his whole family and can vouch for them; if Little Johnny said that he did not do it, then I, as principal is satisfied that it is the truth.”
Even more appalled, the inspector goes to the regional Head of Education and relates the whole story…
After listening he replies:
“I can’t see why you are making such a big issue out of this; just get three quotes and fix the damned wall!”
01/29/2024 from Daily Jokes
#18019
A Husband and wife are shopping in their local WalMart.
The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart.
‘What do you think you’re doing?’ asks the wife.
‘They’re on sale, only $10 for 24 cans.’ he replies.
‘Put them back, we can’t afford them.’ demands the wife, and so they carry on shopping.
A few aisles further on along the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.
‘What do you think you’re doing?’ asks the husband.
‘It’s my face cream. It makes me look beautiful.’ replies the wife.
Her husband retorts:
‘So does 24 cans of Budweiser and it’s half the price.
‘On the PA system:
‘Cleanup needed on aisle 25, we have a husband down.’
01/28/2024 from Daily Jokes
#18016
Two men are working on a telephone pole.
A little old lady walks by and one of the men yeII to her,
“Hey lady, can you move that wire off the sidewalk for us!”
She picks it up and moves it from the sidewalk.
The second electrician says,
“I told you it wasn’t live.”
01/27/2024 from Daily Jokes
#18013
A man and his wife went three days without talking after having an argument.
On an occasion, the man remembered that the next day he would have an early meeting in office.
As he needed to get up early, he decided to ask his wife to wake him up.
But he did not want to be a person who began the first conversation, so he wrote on a paper:
-“You wake me up at 6 in the morning.”
When he got up in the morning, he looked at the clock and realized that it was 9 o’clock.
He was so angry and shouted:
-“What’s wrong with you! What were you thinking? You are inconsiderate, you did not do what I asked you to do.”
His wife did not say anything and looked at the table a paper on which was written the following:
“It’s six o’clock, get up!”