Daily Joke: Jokes Library

A guy asks a beautiful lady: “Can I buy you a drink?” She says: “No Thanks, alcohol is bad for my legs!” “Ohhh, do they swell??” “No, they spread..”

A little boy was sitting outside a store eating one snickers candy bar after another, when an older man walked up and said: “You shouldn’t be eating so much candy, it’ll rot your teeth, it’s just bad for you to eat so much candy.”

The little boy looked up and said: “My grandfather lived to be 95 years old”. The older man asked: “Oh? by eating snickers candy bars?” The little boy said: “No……by minding his own business.”

Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served. When little Logan received his plate, he started eating right away.

“Logan, wait until we say our prayer,” his mother reminded him.

“I don’t have to,” the little boy replied.

“Of course you do,” his mother insisted, “we say a prayer before eating at our house.”

“That’s at our house,” Logan explained, “but this is Grandma’s house and she knows how to cook.”

A woman on her death bed asks her husband to rush home and get a wooden box out from under their bed. The man retuns home, gets the box out from under the bed and opens it to find 3 eggs and $7000.00 in cash.

He returns to the hospital and asks his wife: “Honey, why are there 3 eggs and $7000.00 in cash?” She replied: “Well, over our 35 years of marriage whenever we had bad lovemaking I would put an egg in the box.” So, immediately the husband thought of himself as a love machine.

And he asked her then: “Well, what is the money for?” And she replied: “Every time I got a dozen eggs I sold them!!!!”

The guys were all at a deer camp. No one wanted to room with Bob, because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn’t fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns. The first guy slept with Bob and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot. They said, “Man, what happened to you? He said, “Bob snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night.” The next night it was a different guy’s turn. In the morning, same thing, hair all standing up, eyes all bloodshot. They said, “Man, what happened to you? You look awful! He said, ‘Man, that Bob shakes the roof with his snoring. I watched him all night.” The third night was Fred’s turn. Fred was a tanned, older cowboy, a man’s man. The next morning he came to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. “Good morning!” he said. They couldn’t believe it. They said, “Man, what happened?” He said, “Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Bob into bed, patted him on the butt, and kissed him good night. Bob sat up and watched me all night.” With age comes wisdom.