Daily Joke: Jokes Library

did you hear the Joke about the jumprope no I skipped IT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

One night, a drunk comes stumbling into a bar and says to the bartender: “Drinks for all on me including you, bartender.” So the bartender follows the mans orders and says: “That will be $36.50 please.” The drunk says he has no money so the bartender slaps him around and throws him out.

The next night the same drunk comes in again and orders a drink for everyone in the bar including the bartender. Again the bartender follows instructions and again the drunk says he has no money. So the bartender slaps him around and throws him out.

On the third night he comes in, the drunk orders drinks for all except the bartender. “What, no drink for me?” replies the bartender. “Oh, no. You get violent when you drink.”

boy:het mom did yo know that santa clause curse?

mom:no honey santa doesn’t curse!

boy: yeah ! mom he say’s “hoe hoe hoe ” all the tme!

what looks like a cat, eats like a cat but isnt a cat?

A kitten

Lisa came up behind her husband while he was drinking his morning coffee and slapped him on the back of the head. “Ow!” Larry exclaimed. “What was that for?” “I found a piece of paper in your pants with the name ‘Mary Lou’ written on it,” she said angrily. “You better have a good explanation!” “Calm down, honey,” Larry said. “I was at the dog track last week and that was the name of the dog I bet on.” Later that same day, Lisa walked up to her husband and smacked him hard on the forehead when he walked in the door from work. “What the heck was that for?” he demanded. “Your dog just called.”