Daily Joke: Jokes Library

These two guys are car pooling home from work one day. Traffic is barely crawling along and they are both a bit bored. So the driver is looking around and suddenly he points at two dogs having sex on someone’s front lawn.

“Look”, he shouts “What are the those dogs doing? are they fighting?” The passenger, being a man of the world, replies “They are having sex. Don’t tell me that you have never had sex doggie style before?”

The driver, a bit embarrassed, admits that he has never had sex doggie style. So the passenger says, “You have to try it. Its pretty cool. Here’s what you do. Tonight when you get home, fix your wife a margarita and then suggest that you want to try this new sexual position.”

The driver thinks a bit and then decides he will give it a try. The next morning, the two commuters are back in the car and the passenger asks, “Well, how did it go?” To which the driver replies, “It was great. But it took me 6 Margaritas just to get her on the front lawn.”

One evening a family brings their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and leaves her, hoping she will be well cared for. The next  morning, the nurses bathe her, feed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden. She seems OK, but after a while she slowly starts to fall over sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately rush up to catch her and straighten her up. Again she seems OK, but after a while she starts to tilt to the other side. The nurses rush back and once more bring her back upright.  This goes on all morning. Later the family arrives to see how the old woman is adjusting to her new home. “So Ma, how is it  here? Are they treating you all right?” They ask. “It’s pretty nice,” she replies. “Except they won’t let you fart”

I overheard a friend telling his pal, “I can’t break my wife of the  habit of staying up until 5 in the morning.”

“What is she doing?”, the pal asks.

“Waiting for me to get home.”

A drunk staggered into a cemetery and fell into a freshly dug grave. Pretty soon a second drunk staggered by. “Get me out of here”, said the one in the grave, “I’m cold”. The other one looked over the edge and said, “No wonder you’re cold, you poor guy. You don’t have any dirt on you”.

How is a woman like a tornado?  They twist and turn when the come and take the house and car when they leave.