Daily Joke: Jokes Library

A man met a beautiful lady and he decided he wanted to marry her right away. She said, “But we don’t know anything about each other.” He said, “That’s all right, we’ll learn about each other as we go along.” So she consented, and they were married, and went on a honeymoon to a very nice resort. So one morning they were lying by the pool, when he got up off of his towel, climbed up to the 10 Meter board and did a two and a half tuck gainer, this was followed by a three rotations in jackknife position, where he straightened out and cut the water like a knife. After a few more demonstrations, he came back and lay down on the towel. She said, “That was incredible!” He said, “I used to be an Olympic diving champion. You see, I told you we’d learn more about ourselves as we went along.” So she got up, jumped in the pool, and started doing laps. After about thirty laps she climbed back out and lay down on her towel hardly out of breath. He said, “That was incredible! Were you an Olympic endurance swimmer?” “No.” she said, “I was a hooker in Venice and I worked both sides of the canal.”

One fall day Dave was out raking leaves when he noticed a hearse slowly  drive by. Following the first hearse was a second hearse, which was  followed by a man walking solemnly along, followed by a dog, and then  about 200 men walking in single file. Intrigued, Dave went up to the man  following the second hearse and asked him who was in the first hearse. “My  wife,” the man replied. “I’m sorry,” said Dave. “What happened to her?”  “My dog bit her and she died.” Dave then asked who was in the second  hearse. The man replied, “My mother-in-law. My dog bit her and she died as  well.” “Can I borrow your dog?” “Get in line.” replied the man.

A bartender is sitting behind the bar on a typical day, when the door bursts open and in come four exuberant blondes. They come up to th bar, order five bottles of champagne and ten glasses, take their order over and sit down at a large table.  The corks are popped, the glasses are filled and  they  begin toasting and chanting, “51 days, 51 days, 51 days!”  Soon, three more blondes arrive, take up their drinks and the  chanting grows. “51 days, 51 days, 51 days!” Two more blondes show up and soon  their voices are joined in raising the roof. “51 days, 51 days, 51 days!”  Finally, the tenth blonde comes in with a picture under her arm.  She walks over to the table, sets the picture in the middle and the table  erupts. Up jumps the others, they begin dancing around the table, exchanging  high-fives, all the while chanting “51 days, 51 days, 51 days!” The bartender can’t contain his curiosity any longer, so he walks over to the table.  There in the center is a beautifully framed child’s puzzle of the Cookie Monster.  When the frenzy dies down a little bit, the  bartender asks one of the blondes, “What’s all the chanting and celebration about?

The blonde who brought in the picture pipes in, “Everyone thinks that blondes are dumb and they make fun of us.  So, we decided to set the record  straight. Ten of us got together, bought that puzzle and put it together. . .the side of the box said 2-4 years, but we put it together in 51 days ! ” 

 Doctor! I have a serious problem, I can never remember what i just said.

big dick