Daily Joke: Jokes Library

Two men with babies bump into each other at the mall

– I am very sorry about that, I didn’t see you I was looking for my wife.
– You know what, I’m looking for mine too, I don’t know what happened to her, where she is..
– Well, how does your wife look, let’s search for her together.
– Well, she’s tall, gorgeous legs, big breasts, tight butt, cute face, thick lips, and so on, what about yours?
– Forget about mine, let’s look for yours!!

Juan comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle. He has two large bags over his shoulders. The guard stops him and says, “What’s in the bags?” “Sand,” answered Juan.

The guard says, “We’ll just see about that. Get off the bike.” The guard takes the bags and rips them apart; he empties them out and finds nothing in them but sand. He detains Juan overnight and has the sand analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags The guard releases Juan, puts the sand into new bags, hefts them onto the man’s shoulders, and lets him cross the border.

A week later, the same thing happens. The guard asks, “What have you got?”

“Sand,” says Juan.

The guard does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain nothing but sand. He gives the sand back to Juan, and Juan crosses the border on his bicycle.

This sequence of events if repeated every day for three years. Finally, Juan doesn’t show up one day and the guard meets him in a Cantina in Mexico.

“Hey, Buddy,” says the guard, “I know you are smuggling something. It’s driving me crazy. It’s all I think about….. I can’t sleep. Just between you and me, what are you smuggling?”

Juan sips his beer and says, “Bicycles.”

A few fraternity brothers needed to fill a science requirement in order to graduate, so they spent weeks studying for the final. The day of the exam arrived and they were more than ready for the test. The teacher pulled out a chart, and on it were different pictures of bird’s legs. The teacher said, “This is your exam. Name these birds by their legs.”

After ten minutes one boy stood up, absolutely furious, and slammed the paper down on the teachers desk. “Dammit!” he hollered. “You knew I needed to pass this exam to graduate. How could you do this to me?” The guy begins to leave the room and the teacher yells at him, “Hey you, boy, what’s your name?” The student pulls up his pants, revealing his legs, and says, “I don’t know sir. You tell me.”

First Guy (proudly) : “My wife’s an angel!”
Second Guy : “You’re fortunate, mine’s still alive.”

A man was sitting at a bar enjoying an after-work cocktail when an exceptionally gorgeous & sexy young woman entered. She was so striking that the man could not take his eyes away from her. The young woman noticed his overly-attentive stare & walked directly toward him.

Before he could offer his apologies for being so rude, the young woman said to him, ‘I’ll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $100 on one condition.’

Flabbergasted, the man asked what the condition was.

The young woman replied, ‘You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words.’

The man considered her proposition for a moment, withdrew his wallet from his pocket & slowly counted out five $20 bills, which he pressed into the young woman’s hand.

He looked deeply into her eyes & slowly, meaningfully said, ‘Paint my house.’