Daily Joke: Jokes Library

An old snake goes to see his Doctor. “Doc, I need something for my eyes, I can’t see very well these days.”

The Doc fixes him up with a pair of glasses and tells him to return in 2 weeks.

The snake comes back in 2 weeks and tells the doctor he’s very depressed.

Doc says, “What’s the problem? Didn’t the glasses help you?”

“The glasses are fine doc, but I just discovered I’ve been living with a water hose the past 2 years!”

Q. Why wasn’t there any food left after the monster party?

A. Because everyone was a goblin!

All Bill asked for was a little good-night kiss, but Anne haughtily rebuffed him with, “I don’t do that sort of thing on my first date!”

“Well,” Bill replied with sarcasm, “how about on your last date?”

The man told his doctor he wasn’t able to do all the things around the house that he used to do. When the examination was complete, he said.

“Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what’s wrong with me.”

“Well, in plain English,” the doctor replied, “You’re just a plain old lazy fart.”

“Thank You.” said the man. “Now give me the medical term, so I can tell my wife!”

A man walks into a store to buy a Barbie doll for his daughter. “How much is that Barbie in the window?”, he asks the shop assistant.

In a manner she responds, “Which Barbie? We have Barbie Goes to the Gym for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Ball for $19.95, Barbie Goes Shopping for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Beach for $19.95, Barbie Goes Nightclubbing for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $395.00.”

The guy asks, “Why is Divorced Barbie different from all the others?”

“That’s obvious,” the assistant states, “Divorced Barbie comes with Ken’s house, Ken’s car, Ken’s boat, Ken’s furniture…”