Daily Joke: Jokes Library

For our 20th anniversary my husband and I vacationed in Hawaii, where we went snorkeling. After an hour in the water, everyone got back on the boat, except for me and one handsome young man. As I continued my underwater exploring, I noticed that everywhere I swam, he swam. I snorkeled for another 40 minutes. So did he.

I felt very flattered and, as I took off my fins, asked him coyly why he had stayed in the water for so long.

“I’m the lifeguard,” he replied matter-of-factly. “I couldn’t get out until you did.”

The little sexy housewife was built so well the TV repairman couldn’t keep his eyes off of her. Every time she came in the room, he’d near about jerk his neck right out of joint looking at her.

When he’d finished she paid him and said, “I’m going to make a… well… unusual request. But you have to first promise me you’ll keep it a secret.”

The repairman quickly agreed and she went on. “Well, it’s kind of embarrassing to talk about, but while my husband is a kind, decent man — sigh — he has a certain physical weakness. A certain disability. Now, I’m a woman and you’re a man…”

The repairman could hardly speak, “Yes, yes!”

“And since I’ve been wanting to ever since you came in the door…”

“Yes, yes!”

“Would you help me move the refrigerator?”

The orthopedic surgeon I work for was moving to a new office, and his staff was helping transport many of the items. I sat the display skeleton in the front of my car, his bony arm across the back of my seat.

I hadn’t considered the drive across town. At one traffic light, the stares of the people in the car beside me became obvious, and I looked across and explained, “I’m delivering him to my doctor’s office.”

The other driver leaned out of his window. “I hate to tell you, lady,” he said, “but I think it’s too late!”

When I took my son to college, we found that he was assigned to the fourth floor of a dormitory. As I trudged through the parking lot to retrieve yet another load to carry up the four flights of stairs, two young women caught my attention from a dorm window. “Hey, Mom!” one called down. “Yo, Mom!”

I was too tired to respond, so I just ignored them until I heard the second girl ask the first, “How do you know that woman is somebody’s mom?”

The first girl replied, “Who else would do that?”

Ford has added wires to the rear window to clear fog and frost.

Dodge is adding wires under the wipers so they can be freed when frozen and not burn up the motor.

But Chevy is adding the wire elements to the tailgates on all of their trucks to keeps your hands warm while you’re pushing!