Daily Joke: Jokes Library

“You seem to have more than the average share of intelligence for a man of your background,” sneered the lawyer at a witness on the stand.

“If I wasn’t under oath, I’d return the compliment,” replied the witness.

Three blondes are attempting to change a light bulb. One of them decides to call 911:

Blonde: We need help. We’re three blondes changing a light bulb.

Operator: Hmmmmm. You put in a fresh bulb?

Blonde: Yes.

Operator: The power in the house in on?

Blonde: Of course.

Operator: And the switch is on?

Blonde: Yes, yes.

Operator: And the bulb still won’t light up?

Blonde: No, it’s working fine.

Operator: Then what’s the problem?

Blonde: We got dizzy spinning the ladder around, and we all fell and hurt ourselves.

Man to wife: What have you been doing with all the grocery money I’ve been giving you?

Wife: Turn sideways and look in the mirror.

I met a man who had been married for 66 years.

“Amazing. 66 years!” I said. “What’s the secret to such a long, happy marriage?”

“Well,” he replied, “It’s like this. The man makes all the big decisions… and the woman just makes the little decisions.”

“Really?” I responded. “Does that really work?”

“Oh, yes,” he said proudly. “66 years, and so far, not one big decision!”

On New Year’s Eve, a lady stood up at the local pub and said that it was time to get ready for the celebrations.

At the stroke of midnight, she wanted every husband to be standing next to the one person who made his life worth living.

Well, it was kind of embarrassing. The bartender was almost crushed to death.