Daily Joke: Jokes Library

Two college basketball players were taking an important final exam. If they failed, they would be on academic probation and not allowed to play in the big game the following week. The exam was fill-in-the-blank.

The last question read, “Old MacDonald had a ________.”

Bubba was stumped. He had no idea what to answer. But he knew he needed to get this one right to be sure he passed.

Making sure the professor wasn’t watching, he tapped Tiny on the shoulder. “Pssst. Tiny. What’s the answer to the last question?”

Tiny laughed. He looked around to make sure the professor hadn’t noticed then he turned to Bubba. “Bubba, you’re so stupid. Everyone knows Old MacDonald had a FARM.”

“Oh yeah,” said Bubba. “I remember now.”

He picked up his No. 2 pencil and started to write the answer in the blank. He stopped. Tapping Tiny’s shoulder again, he whispered, “Tiny, how do you spell farm?”

“You are really dumb, Bubba. That’s so easy. Farm is spelled E-I-E-I-O.”

One night, a drunk comes stumbling into a bar and says to the bartender: “Drinks for all on me including you, bartender.” So the bartender follows the mans orders and says: “That will be $36.50 please.” The drunk says he has no money so the bartender slaps him around and throws him out.

The next night the same drunk comes in again and orders a drink for everyone in the bar including the bartender. Again the bartender follows instructions and again the drunk says he has no money. So the bartender slaps him around and throws him out.

On the third night he comes in, the drunk orders drinks for all except the bartender. “What, no drink for me?” replies the bartender. “Oh, no. You get violent when you drink.”

A fisherman from the city was out fishing on a lake in a small boat. He noticed another man in a small boat open his tackle box and take out a mirror. Being curious, the man rowed over and asked, “What is the mirror for?”

“That’s my secret way to catch fish,” said the other man. “Shine the mirror on the top of the water. The fish notice the spot of sun on the water above and they swim to the surface. Then I just reach down and net them and pull them into the boat.”

“Wow! Does that really work?”

“You bet it does.”

“Would you be interested in selling that mirror? I’ll give you $30 for it.”

“Well, okay.”

After the money was transferred, the city fisherman asked, “By the way, how many fish have you caught this week?”

“You’re the sixth,” he said.

Just when you have lost faith in human kindness, someone who teaches at Kean Elementary in Wooster , Ohio forwarded the following letter.The letter was sent to the principal’s office after the school had sponsored a luncheon for the elderly. An little old lady received a new radio at the lunch as a door prize and was writing to say thank you.

This story is a credit to all humankind. Forward to anyone you know who might need a lift today.

Dear Kean Elementary:

God bless you for the beautiful radio I won at your recent senior citizens luncheon. I am 84 years old and live at the Sprenger Home for the Aged. All of my family has passed away. I am all alone now and it’s nice to know that someone is thinking of me. God bless you for your kindness to an old forgotten lady. My roommate is 95 and has always had her own radio, but before I received one, she would never let me listen to hers, even when she was napping. The other day her radio fell off the nightstand and broke into a lot of pieces. It was awful and she was in tears. She asked if she could listen to mine, and I told her to kiss my butt. Thank you for that opportunity.

Sincerely, Edna

A woman went to police station to file a report for her missing husband:

Woman: I lost my husband
Inspector: What is his height
Woman: I never noticed
Inspector: Slim or healthy
Woman Not slim can be healthy
Inspector: Color of eyes
Woman: Never noticed
Inspector: Color of hair
Woman: Should be black
Inspector: What was he wearing
Woman: I don’t remember exactly
Inspector: Was somebody with him ?????????

Woman: Yes my Labrador dog (Romeo), tied with a golden chain, height 30 inches, healthy, blue eyes, blackish brown hair, his left foot thumb nail is slightly broken, he never barks, wearing a golden belt studded with blue balls, he likes non veg food, we eat together, we jog together.
The woman started crying

Inspector: Let’s search for the dog first!