04/02/2025 from Daily Jokes
#20338
Why did I get divorced?
Well, last week was my birthday.
My wife didn’t wish me a happy birthday.
My parents forgot and so did my kids.
I went to work and even my colleagues didn’t wish me a happy birthday.
As I entered my office, my secretary said, “Happy birthday, boss!”
I felt so special.
She asked me out for lunch.
After lunch, she invited me to her apartment.
We went there and she said, “Do you mind if I go into the bedroom for a minute?”
“Okay,” I said. She came out 5 minutes later with a birthday cake, my wife, my parents, my kids, my friends, & my colleagues all yelling, “SURPRISE!!!” while I was waiting on the sofa… naked.
04/01/2025 from Daily Jokes
#20333
The huge college freshman decided to try out for the football team.
“Can you tackle?” asked the coach. “Watch this,” said the freshman, who proceeded to run smack into a telephone pole, shattering it to splinters.
“Wow,” said the coach.
“I’m impressed. Can you run?”
“Of course I can run,” said the freshman.
He was off like a shot, and, in just over nine seconds, he had run a hundred yard dash.
“Great!” enthused the coach. “But can you pass a football?”
The freshman hesitated for a few seconds.
“Well, sir,” he said, “if I can swallow it, I can probably pass it.”
03/31/2025 from Daily Jokes
#20330
A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn’t paying attention, so she asks him, “If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?”
Johnny says, “None.”
The teacher asks, “Why?” Johnny says, “Because the shot scared them all off.”
The teacher says, “No, two, but I like how you’re thinking.”
Johnny asks the teacher, “If you see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor, one is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream, which one is married?”
The teacher says, “The one sucking her ice cream.”
Johnny says, “No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you’re thinking!”
03/30/2025 from Daily Jokes
#20327
A man and woman had been married for 30 years, and throughout their marriage, they always kept the lights off during intimacy.
The husband felt self-conscious and feared he couldn’t fully satisfy his wife, so he secretly used a special aid.
For all those years, she remained unaware.
One evening, curiosity got the best of her, and she reached over to turn on the light—only to discover the truth.
Shocked, she exclaimed, ‘I knew it! Care to explain this?’
With a calm expression, he replied, ‘Only if you can explain the kids!
03/29/2025 from Daily Jokes
#20320
A wife comes home late one night and quietly opens the door to her bedroom.
From under the blanket, she sees four legs instead of just her husband’s two.
She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can.
Once she’s done, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink.
As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine.
He says, “Hi darling, your parents have come to visit us, so I let them stay in our bedroom.
Did you say hello?”