Daily Joke: Jokes Library

A couple are sitting in their living room, sipping wine. Out of the blue, the wife says, “I love you!”

“Is that you or the wine talking?” asks the husband.

“It’s me,” says the wife. “Talking to the wine.”

On the morning of her birthday, a woman told her husband, “I just dreamed that you gave me a diamond necklace. What do you think it means?”

“Maybe you’ll find out tonight,” he said.

That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. She ripped off the wrapping paper and found a book titled ‘The Meaning of Dreams’.

A man goes swimming in the ocean but gets sucked out to sea. A boat passes by him and tells him to climb aboard but he says, “I have faith, God will save me.”.

The Coast Guard comes by with a rescue helicopter and tells him to climb the ladder up, but he says, “I have faith, God will save me.”.

The man is now getting tired but thankfully a dolphin swims under him and starts to carry him to shore, but the man pushes the dolphin away saying, “I have faith, God will save me.”.

The man dies and goes to Heaven. He asks God, “Why didn’t you save me?”.

God replies, “I tried! I sent a ship, a helicopter and a dolphin!”.

A Swiss man, looking for directions, pulls up at a bus stop where two Americans are waiting.

“Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?” he asks.

The two Americans just stare at him.

“Excusez-moi, parlez vous Fracais?” he tries. The two continue to stare.

“Parlare Italiano?” No response. “Hablan ustedes Espanol?” Still nothing.

The Swiss guy drives off, extremely disgusted.

The first American turns to the second and says, “Y’know, maybe we should learn a foreign language.”

“Why?” says the other. “That guy knew four languages, and it didn’t do him any good.”

At the movie theater, a young man returning to his seat taps the arm of a woman in the last seat in the row.

“Excuse me,” he says, “but did I step on your toe on the way out?”

“As a matter of fact, you did,” says the woman, expecting an apology.

“Oh good,” says the man, “then this is my row.”