Daily Joke: Jokes Library

Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents the week before Christmas. At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers when the youngest one began praying at the top of his lungs.

“I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE…”
“I PRAY FOR A NEW NINTENDO…”
“I PRAY FOR A NEW STEREO…”

His older brother leaned over and nudged the younger brother and said, “Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn’t hard of hearing.”

The little brother replied, “No, but Grandma is!”

A young man excitedly tells his mother he’s fallen in love and that he is going to get married.

He says, “Just for fun, Ma, I’m going to bring over 3 girls and you try and guess which one I’m going to marry.”

The mother agrees.

The next day, he brings three women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while. He then says, “Okay Ma, guess which one I’m going to marry.”

She immediately replies, “The one on the right.”

“That’s amazing, Ma. You’re right. How did you know?”

The mother replies, “I don’t like her.”

Wife: “What are you doing?”

Husband : Nothing.

Wife : “Nothing…? You’ve been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.”

Husband : “I was looking for the expiration date.”

A Mom visits her son for dinner who lives with a girl roommate.

During the course of the meal, his mother couldn’t help but notice how pretty his roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between him and his roommate than met the eye.

Reading his mom’s thoughts, the son volunteered, “I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, we are just roommates.”

About a week later, his roommate came to him saying, “Ever since your mother came to dinner, I’ve been unable to find the silver plate. You don’t suppose she took it, do you?”

He said ,”Well, I doubt it, but I’ll email her, just to be sure.”

He sat down and wrote :

Dear Mother:
I’m not saying that you ‘did’ take the silver plate from my house, I’m not saying that you ‘did not’ take the silver plate .. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
Love,

Your son

Several days later, he received an email from his Mother which read:

Dear Son:
I’m not saying that you DO sleep with your roommate, and I’m not saying that you DO NOT sleep with her. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the silver plate by now, under the pillow…
Love,

Mom

I got robbed at the gas station today. I called the cops and they asked if I knew who did it.

I said, “Yes, pump number four.”