Daily Joke: Jokes Library

A proud and confident genius makes a bet with an idiot. The genius says, “Hey idiot, every question I ask you that you don’t know the answer, you have to give me $5. And if you ask me a question and I can’t answer yours, I will give you $5,000.”

The idiot replies, “Okay.” The genius then asks, “How many continents are there in the world?” The idiot doesn’t know and hands over the $5. The idiot says, “Now my turn, what animal stands with two legs but sleeps with three?”

The genius tries and searches very hard for the answer but gives up and hands over the $5000. The genius says, “Dang it, I lost. By the way, what was the answer to your question?”

The idiot hands over $5.

A family took their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and left her there, hoping she would be well cared for. The next morning the nurses bathed her, fed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden.

She seemed okay, but after a while she slowly started to tilt sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately rushed up to catch her and straighten her up. Again she seemed okay, but after a while she slowly started to tilt over to her other side. The nurses rushed back and once more brought her back upright. This went on all morning. Later, the family arrived to see how the old woman was adjusting to her new home.

“So Ma, how is it here? Are they treating you all right?”

“It’s pretty nice,” she replied. “Except they won’t let me fart.”

Husband: Babe, after work I had an accident. Sabrina took me to the hospital. After various tests, they said I was in a bad state with cervical dislocation, multiple facial injuries. Also, they will have to amputate my right leg.

Wife: Who is Sabrina?

A teacher asks her students what religious objects they have in their homes.

One boy answers, “We have a picture of a woman with a halo holding a baby and every day my mother kneels in front of it.”

The next little boy says, “We have a brass statue of a man seated with crossed legs and a Chinese face, and every day my parents burn an incense stick before it.”

Then a third boy pipes up, “In the bathroom we have a flat, square box with numbers on it. Every day my mother stands on it first thing in the morning and screams, ‘OH MY GOD!!!'”

New way of writing answers in exams

If you don’t know the answer, then put lines like this:

/////////

and write below: “Scratch here for ANSWERS.”