Daily Joke: Jokes Library

A mother and father read a bedtime story of a king to their five year old son. As the story concludes, the son says, “Mom, I also want five wives. One will cook, one will sing, one will bathe me…”

Mom: “And one will put you to sleep!”

Son: “No mom, I will still sleep with you.”

Mom’s eyes fill up with tears: “God bless you son.”

Mom continues: “But who will sleep with your 5 wives?”

Son: “Let them sleep with daddy.”

Daddy’s eyes fill up with tears: “God bless you son.”

The basketball coach stormed into the university president’s office and demanded a raise right then and there.

“Please,” protested the college president, “you already make more than the entire History Department.”

“Yeah, maybe so, but you don’t know what I have to put up with,” the coach blustered. “Look.”

He went out into the hall and grabbed a jock who was jogging down the hallway. “Run over to my office and see if I’m there,” he ordered.

Twenty minutes later the jock returned, sweaty and out of breath. “You’re not there, sir,” he reported.

“Oh, I see what you mean,” conceded the president, scratching his head. “I would have phoned.”

A husband and wife were driving through Louisiana. As they approached the city of Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town. They argued back and forth, then they stopped for lunch.

At the counter, the husband asked the not-so-bright waitress, “Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are very slowly?”

She leaned over the counter and said, “Burrr-gerrr Kiiing.”

In bed: It’s 6 am, you close your eyes for 5 minutes, it’s 7:45 am.

At school/work: It’s 1:30 pm, you close your eyes for 5 minutes, it’s still 1:30 pm.

In a Psychiatric Hospital, a Journalist asks the Doctor: “How do you determine whether to admit a person as a patient or not?

Dr: Well … we’d fill a bathtub with water and then give a teaspoon, a glass and a bucket to the patient and ask them to empty the bathtub.

Journalist: Oh, obviously a normal person would use the bucket because its bigger.

Dr: No, a normal person would pull the drain plug! Please go to bed #39. We will soon start further investigations on you.