Daily Joke: Jokes Library

Patient 1: “Why did you run away from the operation table?”

Patient 2: “The nurse was repeatedly saying ‘don’t get nervous’, ‘don’t be afraid’, ‘be strong’, ‘this is a small operation only’, things like that.”

Patient 1: “So what was wrong in that? Why were you so afraid?”

Patient 2: “She was talking to the surgeon!”

A blonde goes to the doctor with burns on both of her ears and her right hand.

“Sit down and tell me how it happened,” says the doctor.

“I was ironing my clothes when I received a call. Instead of picking up the phone, I picked up the iron and burned my ear.”

“What about the other ear and your hand?” the doctor asked.

She replied, “I tried to call for an ambulance.”

A guy was unfortunate enough to be hit by a truck and ended up in the hospital. His best friend came to visit him.

The guy struggles to tell his friend, “My wife Sadie visits me three times a day. She’s so good to me. Every day, she reads to me at the bedside.”

“What does she read?” the friend asks.

“My life insurance policy.”

The wife chewed out her husband at the company picnic awhile back. “Doesn’t it embarrass you that people have seen you go up to the buffet table five times?”

“Not a bit,” the husband replied. “I just tell them I’m filling up the plate for you!”

A man and his wife are dining at a table in a plush restaurant, and the husband keeps staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sits alone at a nearby table.

The wife asks, “Do you know her?”

“Yes,” sighs the husband, “she’s my ex-girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up seven years ago, and I hear she hasn’t been sober since.”

“My God!” says the wife. “Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?”