Daily Joke: Jokes Library

Paul got a part-time job at the Post Office.

He was thrilled, because he had been looking for employment for a while, without any luck.

It wasn’t long before his first day arrived, and he headed to the Post Office brimming with confidence.

The first assignment his supervisor gave him was the job of sorting the mail.

Paul separated the letters so fast that his motions were literally a blur.

His supervisor didn’t understand how he was capable of working so fast but didn’t question it.

The supervisor approached Paul at the end of his first day.

“I just want you to know,” the supervisor said, “that I’m very pleased with the job you did today. You’re one of the fastest workers we’ve ever had.”

“Thank you, Sir,” said Paul, beaming, “and tomorrow I’ll try to do even better.”

“Better?” the supervisor asked with astonishment. “How can you possibly do any better than you did today?”

Paul replied, “Tomorrow I’m going to read the addresses.”

A young couple got married and went away on their honeymoon.

After two weeks they came back and finally put away all of the presents they received from friends and family.

Since this was a new home, the process took some time.

A week later, they received two tickets in the mail for a popular show where tickets were impossible to get.

They were very excited and warmed by the gesture of the person who sent this.

Inside the envelope, however, was only a small piece of paper with a single line, “Guess who sent them.”

The pair had much fun trying to identify the donor but failed in the effort.

They went to the theater and had a wonderful time.

On their return home late at night, still trying to guess the identity of the unknown host, they found the house stripped of every article of value.

And on the bare table in the dining room was a piece of paper on which was written in the same hand as the enclosure with the tickets:

“Now you know!”

A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun.

The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead.

She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head.

The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, “Shut up! you’re next!”

Three gentlemen are golfing one sunny day.

They come to a difficult par with a water trap just after the tee.

The first golfer proceeds to hit his ball right into the water.

To retrieve it, he simply approaches the body of water and extends his golf club.

The water parts, he takes his next shot and it lands on the green.

The second golfer hits his ball towards the water, but rather than sink, the ball floats on top of the water.

The golfer nonchalantly walks across the water and hits the ball onto the green.

The third golfer hits his the ball directly into the water, where it quickly starts to sink.

As the ball sinks, a fish grabs the ball in its mouth.

At that very moment, a hawk plucks the fish out of the water and begins to carry it aloft.

As the bird soars higher, a bolt of lightning startles the bird, which then drops the fish into a nearby tree.

When the fish hits a branch of the tree, the ball pops out, rolls down the trunk of the tree, across the green and right into the hole…

Moses turns to Jesus and says “You know, I hate golfing with your Father.”

While shopping in a food store, two nuns happened to pass by the beer, wine, and liquor section.

One asked the other if she would like a beer.

The second nun answered that, indeed, it would be very nice to have one, but that she would feel uncomfortable purchasing it.

The first nun replied that she would handle it without a problem.

She picked up a six-pack and took it to the cashier.

The cashier was surprised, so the nun said, “This is for washing our hair.”

Without blinking an eye, the cashier reached under the counter and put a package of pretzel sticks in the bag with the beer.

“The curlers are on me.”