Daily Joke: Jokes Library

Four members of the clergy had a theological argument, with the three male ministers siding against the female minister.

The woman prayed, “Lord, I know I’m right. Please send us a divine sign to prove it.”

A big storm cloud materialized, and there was a clap of thunder, “See,” said the woman. “It’s a sign from above.”

The three clergymen disagreed, saying thunder is a common phenomenon.

“Dear Lord,” the woman prayed, “I need a bigger sign.”

This time a bolt of lightning slammed into a tree.

“See! I told you I was right,” the woman said.

But the men insisted nothing had happened that couldn’t be explained by natural causes.

“Help me, Lord,” the woman implored.

And a deep voice came from the heavens: “SSSHHHEEE’S RRRIIIGGGHHHTTT!!!”

The woman turned to the three clergymen and asked, “Well?”

“Okay, okay,” they said. “But it’s still three against two.”

Three couples went to visit the minister to see how to become members of his church. The minister said that they would have to go without making love for two months and then come back and tell him how it went.

The first couple was retired, the second couple was middle-aged and the final couple was newlywed.

Two months went by, and the couples returned to the minister. The retired couple said it was no problem at all. The middle-aged couple said it was a bit tough the first month but then it was not a problem. The newlyweds said it was fine until the woman dropped a can of paint.

“A can of PAINT??!” exclaimed the minister.

“Yeah,” said the newlywed husband. “She dropped the can and when she bent over to pick it up I had to have her right there and then. Lust just took over.”

The minister just shook his head and said: “You two sinners are not welcome in my church!”

“That’s okay,” said the man. “We’re not welcome at Home Depot, either.”

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football.

During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning.

But during the second half, a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game.

When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, “Where were you during the first half?”

He replied, “I was putting on my shoes!”

Two priests were going to Hawaii on vacation and decided that they would make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy.

As soon as the plane landed, they headed for a store and bought some really outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals, sunglasses, and so on.

The next morning they went to the beach, dressed in their “tourist” garb and were sitting on beach chairs, enjoying a drink, the sunshine, and the scenery when a drop dead gorgeous blonde in a tiny bikini came walking straight towards them.

They couldn’t help but stare and when she passed them, she smiled and said, “Good morning, Father – Good morning, Father,” nodding and addressing each of them individually, then passed on by.

They were both stunned. How in the world did she recognize them as priests?

The next day they went back to the store, bought even more outrageous outfits – these were so loud, you could hear them before you even saw them – and again settled on the beach in their chairs to enjoy the sunshine, etc…

After a while, the same gorgeous blonde, wearing a string bikini this time, came walking toward them again (they were glad they had sunglasses because their eyes were about to pop out of their heads).

Again, she approached them and greeted them individually: “Good morning, Father – Good morning Father,” and started to walk away.

One of the priests couldn’t stand it and said. “Just a minute, young lady. Yes, we are priests, and proud of it, but I have to know, how in the world did YOU know?”

“Oh, Father, don’t you recognize me? I’m Sister Angela!”

Karen lost her husband almost four years ago and still hadn’t gotten out of her mourning stage. Her daughter was constantly calling her and urging her to get back into the dating world.

Finally, Karen surrendered. With some courage, she told her family members that she will go out again. That said, she didn’t really know anyone suitable.

Her daughter immediately replied: “Mom! I have someone for you to meet.” Well, it was an immediate hit. They took to one another, and, after dating for six weeks, he asked her to join him for a weekend in the Catskills.

Their first night there, she undressed as he did. There she stood nude except for a black bra and a pair of black lacy panties, and he in his birthday suit.

Looking at her he asked: “Why the black underwear?”

She replied: “My breasts you can fondle, my body is yours to explore, but down there I am still in mourning.”

He knew he wasn’t getting lucky that night.

The following night the same scenario. She was standing there with the black panties on, and he was in his birthday suit … except that he was wearing a black condom.

She looked at him and asked: “What’s with this … a black condom?”

“Well.” He said, “I wanted to offer my deepest condolences.”