Daily Joke: Jokes Library

IT’S OFFICIAL : CHEMISTRY LECTURES ARE A YAWN.

October 9, 1995

A scientist has come up with proof of something students have known for years — chemistry lectures are boring. In an article published in the current issue of Chemistry in Britain, a university chemistry lecturer introduced a guest lecturer to a class of 50 doctoral candidates.

Then, he and his colleagues studied variations in what he calls the HTFDR — “head-to-floor distance reduction.” After about an hour , the average HTFDR dropped from 135cm to 121cm, said the author of the study, who preferred to remain anonymous.

The HTFDR immediately bounced back to normal when the speaker uttered the magic words: “And in conclusion . . .”

Richard a village doctor was awakened at 4 a.m. to make a house call. He reluctantly got dressed and braved a snowstorm.

After the examination, he told the patient to send immediately for his lawyer and relatives and friends and make a will.

When he got home and told his wife asked of what he had seen and done. His wife asked, “Was the patient really that bad?”

Richard said, “No, I just didn’t want to be the only idiot called out on a night like this.”

Three ex-pats are drinking in a NY city bar. “As good as this is,” said the Scotsman, “I still prefer the pubs back home. In Glasgow, there’s a bar called McTavish’s. The landlord there goes out of his way with the locals. When you buy four drinks he will buy the fifth.”

“Well Angus,” said the Englishman. “At my local pub in London, The Red Lion, the barman will buy your third drink after you buy the first two.”

“Ahhh, dat’s nothin’,” said the Irishman. “Back home in my favorite pub, the moment you step foot in the place, they’ll buy you a drink, then another. In fact all the drinks you like. Then, when you’ve had enough to drink, they’ll take you upstairs and see dat you get laid, all on the house.”

The Englishman and Scotsman were suspicious of the claim. “Did this actually happen to you?” they asked.

“Not myself personally, no,” admitted the Irishman, “but it did happen to my sister quite a few times.”

A family are driving in their car on holidays. A frog crosses the road and the husband, who is driving, is able to stop the car.

He gets out and takes the frog and carries him to the side of the road.

The frog is grateful, thanks the man and tells him that he will grant him a wish.

The man says, “Please make my dog win the next dog race.”

The frog asks to look at the dog, which limps out of the car.

The frog notices that the dog only has three legs, it very fat, and can barely move at all so he tells the man that he thinks it is almost impossible to fulfill his wish and asks that the man will tell him another wish.

The man says, “Well, then please make my wife win the next beauty contest in the area.”

The frog asks him to tell his wife to get out of the car. Wife comes out of the car and approaches the frog.

The frog turns to the man and says, “Could I please have another look at the dog?”

A noted sex therapist realizes that people often lie about the frequency of their encounters, so he devises a test to tell for certain how often someone has sex.

To prove his theory, he fills up an auditorium with people and goes down the line, asking each person to smile.

Using the size of the person’s smile, the therapist is able to guess accurately until he comes to the last man in line, who is grinning from ear to ear.

“Twice a day,” the therapist guesses, but is surprised when the man says no.

“Once a day, then?” Again the answer is no.

“Twice a week?”

“No.”

“Twice a month?”

“No.”

The man finally says yes when the doctor gets to “once a year.”

The therapist is angry that his theory isn’t working, and asks the man, “What are you so happy about?”

The man answers, “Tonight’s the night!”