Daily Joke: Jokes Library

Three engineers and three accountants are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three accountants each buy a ticket and watch as the three engineers only buy one ticket. ‟How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?” asks an accountant. ‟Watch and you will see,” answered an engineer. They all board the train. The accountants take their respective sats but all three engineers cram into a rest room and close the door behind them.

Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, ‟Tickets, please!” The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on. The accountants see this and agree it’s a clever idea.

So after the conference, the accountants decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money. When they get to the station, they buy one ticket for the return trip.To their astonishment, the engineers don’t buy a ticket at all. ‟How are you going to travel without a ticket?” says one perplexed accountant. ‟Watch and you will see,” answered an engineer. When they board the train all three accountants cram into a restroom and the three engineers cram into another one nearby. The train departs. Shortly afterward, one of the engineers leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the accountants are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, ‟Tickets, please!”

Two hikers were walking through central Pennsylvania when they came upon a 6 foot wide hole in the ground.
They figured it must be the opening for a vertical air shaft from an old abandoned coal mine.
Curious as to the depth of the hole, the first hiker picked up a nearby rock and tossed it into the opening.
They listened… and heard nothing.
The second hiker picked up an even larger rock and tossed it into the opening.
They listened… and still heard nothing.
Then they both picked up an old railroad tie, dragged it to the edge of the shaft, and hurled it down.
Seconds later a dog came running up between the two men and jumped straight into the hole.
Bewildered, the two men just looked at each other, trying to figure out why a dog would do such a thing.
Soon a young boy ambled onto the scene and asked if either man had seen a dog around here.
The hikers told him about the dog that had just jumped into the hole.
The young boy laughed and said, “That couldn’t be my dog. My dog was tied to a railroad tie!”

A young couple took their three-year-old son to doctor Cohen. With some hesitation, they explained that, although their
little angel appeared to be in good health, they were
concerned about his rather small mickey.
After examining the child, the doctor confidently
declared, “Just feed him bagels with cream cheese.
That should solve the problem.”
The next morning, when the boy arrived at breakfast,
there was a large stack of warm bagels and cream cheese
in the middle of the table.
“Gee, mom,” the boy exclaimed.
“For me?”
“Just take two,” his mother replied.
“The rest are for your father.”

Around lunchtime Sheryl left school and headed for home,
crying because her first period had started and she had
no idea what it was.
The girl’s teacher was reluctant to get involved,
so she suggested Sheryl talk to her mom.
She was walking home when she ran into little Johnny.
“Why are you crying? Asked little Johnny.
“I’m crying because I’m bleeding,” she replied.
“Give me a look,” said little Johnny.
She lifted her skirt and showed him.
“Holy hell!” said little Johnny.
“No wonder you’re bleeding some bastard’s cut off your mickey!”

The owner of a golf course was confused about paying a bill,
so he asked his BLONDE secretary for some
mathematical help.
“If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14% how much
would you take off?” he asked her.
The secretary replied, “Everything but my earrings.”