Daily Joke: Jokes Library

An old man, Mr. Goldstein, was living the last of his life in a nursing home.
One day he appeared to be very sad and depressed.
Nurse Tracy asked if there was anything wrong.
“Yes, Nurse Tracy,” said Mr. Goldstein,
“My private part died today, and I am very sad.”
Knowing her patients were forgetful and sometimes a little crazy, she replied, “Oh, I’m so sorry, Mr. Goldstein, please accept my condolences.”
The following day, Mr. Goldstein was walking down the hall with his private part hanging out of his pajamas, when he met Nurse Tracy.
“Mr. Goldstein,” she said, “You shouldn’t be walking down the hall like that.
Please put your private part back inside your pajamas.”
“But, Nurse Tracy,” replied Mr. Goldstein,
“I told you yesterday that my private part died.”
“Yes, you did tell me that, but why is it hanging out of your pajamas?” asked Nurse Tracy.
“Well,” he replied. “Today’s the viewing.

Three guys checked into the hotel. Their room was on the 45th floor and administrator 1warned them, that elevator works just till 12pm.
They left all bags at the room and went to the restaurant.
When they arrived, the elevator was no longer working and they had to walk by foot. so it won’t be so boring, they desided to tell some jokes, scarry stories and sing some songs.
First man told some very good jokes. The second one sang beautiful songs.
Till now they have passed 30 floors. It’s time for the 3th man to tell some scary stories.
And he began to tell “Get ready to hear the most scariest thing that you ever heard. We forgot our keys at the reception”

I took my 13-year-old son with me to a large charity barbecue. A few thousand people there and several different rib joints you can sample. It was awesome, the food was fantastic.

There was also a large beer tent that had a band with many people in it. Band was pretty good the music while people ate their food.

I grabbed a table with my son and we were eating our dinner when I noticed I had lost my Rolex sometime that day. Since my grandpa left it to me in his will, this was pretty upsetting.

Shortly after we finished our meal, a man and a woman began arguing near the area where we entered the tent. It looked like it was getting pretty intense, so I walked over to see if I could help. As I got closer to the arguing couple … it began to escalate. The guy pushed the woman really hard and she fell back. I am not much of a tough guy, but in anger I punched him with every thing I had. As he fell to the ground, I noticed right where he had been standing … was my missing Rolex, squished into the grass.

I am pretty sure I did the right thing, as there was no way I was going to let that s*** happen, on my watch.

“Doctor, doctor, I’m so worried,” said the anxious man.

“Both my wife and I have black hair, but our son’s just been born with red hair. Do you think something funny has been going on?”

“Not necessarily,” replied the doctor. “How many times do you make love?”

“About 5 times a year.”

“Well, there’s your answer then, you’re just a little rusty.”

A man wearing a ten-gallon hat and leather boots goes into a bar and sits down next to a woman. “Are you a real cowboy?”, she asks him.

He responds: “For all my life, I have been tamed and ridden horses. I have repaired fences, herded and tended to cows and caught escaped cows. I think it would make sense to call myself a cowboy.”

To which she says: “Interesting. I myself am a lesbian. I wake up thinking about women, when I am in the shower I think about women, at night laying in bed I think about women. I constantly think about women.” They talk for a while, until she gets up and leaves.

An older couple enters the bar and sits down next to the cowboy. They eyeball him a short while and then muster up the courage to ask him:”Are you a real cowboy?”,

to which he replies:”For all my life I thought I was a cowboy, but today I learned that I am in fact a lesbian.”