Daily Joke: Jokes Library

One night, Little johnny wakes up and decides he needs to take a p!ss.
So he gets out of bed and on his way to the toilet he stops by his mom and dad’s room and catches them having s*x, he then says “Dad what are you doing with mom?”
His dad replies “I’m playing poker, your mum my partner now get lost!”

Then he stops by his sister’s room and this time catches her and her boyfriend having s*x and says “What are you doing?”
to which she replies: “I’m playing poker, my boyfriends my partner – now go to bed you little freak!”

About an hour later little johnny’s Dad walks into his bedroom and says: “Johnny what are you doing”
Johnny replies I’m playing poker, why?

“Who’s your partner then?” his dad asks.
To which Johnny says: “Who needs a partner when you’ve got a good hand.”

A cleaning woman was applying for a new position.

When asked why she left her last employment, she replied,

“Yes sir, they paid good wages, but it was the most ridiculous place I ever worked. They played a game called Bridge, and last night lots of folks were there. As I was about to bring in the refreshments, I heard a man say “Lay down and let’s see what you’ve got.”

Another man said, “I’ve got strength but no length.”

Another man said to a lady, “Take your hand off my trick.”

I pretty near dropped dead just then when the lady answered, “You jumped me twice when you didn’t have the strength for one raise.”

Another lady was talking about her protecting her honour, and two other ladies said, Now it’s time for me to play with your husband and you can play with mine.

Well, I just got my hat and coat and as I was leaving.

I hope to die if I didn’t hear someone say,“Well, I guess we’ll go home now, that was the last rubber.”

A mathematician, an accountant and an economist apply for the same job.

The interviewer calls in the mathematician and asks “What does two plus two equal?”

The mathematician replies “Four.”

The interviewer asks “Four, exactly?”

The mathematician looks at the interviewer incredulously and says “Yes, four, exactly.”

Then the interviewer calls in the accountant and asks the same question “What does two plus two equal?”

The accountant says “On average, four – give or take ten percent, but on average, four.”

Then the interviewer calls in the economist and poses the same question “What does two plus two equal?”

The economist gets up, locks the door, closes the shade, sits down next to the interviewer and says “What do you want it to equal?

A man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife packing a suitcase.

He asks, “What are you doing?”

She answers, “I’m moving to London. I heard prost!tutes there get paid £400 for doing what I do for you for free.”

Later that night, on her way out, the wife walks into the bedroom and sees her husband packing his suitcase.

When she asks him where he’s going, he replies,

“I’m coming too I want to see how you live on £800 a year”.

A man goes to ask the great guru, “Which is better, large br3@sts or small br3@sts?”

The great guru asks him “How much money do you have in bills in your wallet?”

The man quickly counts the money.

“Thirty dollars.”

“And if you had thirty dollars in coins,” said the guru, “which would have the greater mass- the coins or the bills?”

“The coins of course.”

“But which would have the greater value?”

At this moment, the man was enlightened.