04/15/2022 from Daily Jokes
#15913
One day an old lady won the lottery and bought a mansion.
She would wake up every day in her mansion lonely
So one day the old lady decided to buy a dog
The old lady was so bored she wanted to name her Mansion but she could not think of a name for her mansion,
So she said to herself before she went to sleep first thing I see in the morning I’ll name my mansion!
The old lady falls asleep n awakes in the morning and sees a hairy b**t!
The old lady says haha then my Mansion will be named Hairy b**t!
The old lady got really bored n started thinking of names to name her dog she couldn’t think of a good one so she said the first thing I step on I’ll name my dog.
The old lady awakes in the morning steps on a crack the old lady says hahaha I’ll name my dog crack!
A whole week goes by and her dog comes up missing!
The old lady is in panic and calls the Police!
When the police arrive they ask the old lady what seems to be the problem?
The old lady replies back frantically I looked all over my hairy b**t but I couldn’t find my crack!
04/14/2022 from Daily Jokes
#15908
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other silent treatment.
Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight..
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
“Please wake me at 5:00 AM.”
He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight.
Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn’t wakened him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
The paper said,
“It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.”
04/13/2022 from Daily Jokes
#15903
There was this guy who found an ancient book.
In that book he read that dolphins live forever if you feed them the meat of an eagle.
Some time later he came across a very sick eagle and thought: It’s gonna die soon anyway, might as well take it to the dolphins at the local zoo to see if what’s in the book is actually true.
At night he climbed over a wall to get into the zoo – and found himself right in the lion enclosure!
He managed to escape the lions by jumping over them and then climbing up a tree.
He was later arrested and charged with smuggling ill eagle goods over state lions for immortal porpoises.
04/12/2022 from Daily Jokes
#15899
He looks around, and takes a seat neat to a very attractive women.
He gives her a quick glance, then causally looks at his watch for a moment.
The women notices this and asks, “Is your date running late?”
“No”, he replies, “Q has just given me this state-of-the-art watch. I was just testing it.”
The intrigued women says “A state-of-the-art watch? Whats so special about it?”
Bond explains “It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically”.
The lady says “Whats it telling you now?”
“Well, it says you are not wearing any panties.”
The women giggles and replies, “Well , it must be broken because I am wearing panties”
Bond smirks, taps his watch and says,”Bloody thing’s an hour fast”
04/11/2022 from Daily Jokes
#15897
A Texas State trooper pulled a car over on I-35 about 2 miles south of Waco Texas.
When the trooper asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver said he was a Magician and Juggler and was on his way to Austin Texas to do a show for the Shrine Circus.
He didn’t want to be late.
The trooper told the driver he was fascinated by juggling and said if the driver would do a little juggling for him then he wouldn’t give him a ticket.
He told the trooper he had sent his equipment ahead and didn’t have anything to juggle.
The trooper said he had some flares in the trunk and asked if he could juggle them.
The juggler said he could, so the trooper got 5 flares, lit them and handed them to him.
While the man was juggling, a car pulled in behind the State Troopers car.
A drunken good old boy from central Texas got out, watched the performance, then went over to the Trooper’s car, opened the rear door and got in.
The trooper observed him and went over to the State car, opened the door asking the drunk what he thought he was doing.
The drunk replied, “You might as well take my ass to jail, cause there ain’t no way I can pass that test.”