03/01/2023 from Daily Jokes
#16916
Michael was thinking about how good his wife had been to him and how fortunate he was to have her.
He asked God:
“Why did you make her so kind-hearted?”
The Lord responded:
“So you could love her my son”
Next question:
“Why did you make her so good-looking?”
Reply: “So you could love her my son”
Third one: “Why did you make her such a good cook?”
Response: “So you could love her my son”
Michael thought about this for a while, and then he said:
“I don’t mean to seem ungrateful or anything. But why did you make her so stupid?”
Without hesitation came the answer:
“So she could love you, my son.
02/28/2023 from Daily Jokes
#16914
A minister comes to an eighty-one-year-old woman’s house to give her communion every week.
On the first week, the first thing he noticed was the beautifully polished oak organ in the woman’s living room.
Well, on the third time he came, he noticed a fishbowl on the organ, but there was no fish and there was no water.
He thought it a little odd, but let it go.
The fourth time he came.
The fishbowl was filled with water, but still no fish.
On the fifth occasion, there was a c0ndom floating in the bowl!
The minister decided he just couldn’t let it go any so he asked,
“Edna, I’m sorry, but what’s with the c0ndom and the fish bowl?”
she replied, “oh, I found that at the store”.
The package said
‘Place on organ and lubricate well and it will protect against diseases’.
02/27/2023 from Daily Jokes
#16909
Two ghosts met and both chatted about how they died.
1st ghost: How u died?
2nd ghost: I died of cold.
1st ghost: How does it feel when you’re dying in cold?
2nd ghost : Actually, I was accidentally locked in the refrigerator. Initially, I was shivering, then my whole body started to freeze, later I felt the whole world was dark and I died suffocating.
1st ghost : Wow what a horrible way to die…
2nd ghost : How about you? How you die?
1st ghost : I died from heart attack.
2nd ghost : I see, why did u have a heart attack?
1st ghost : Actually, I found out that my wife is having an affair with another man.
One day, when I came back from work, saw a pair of man shoes outside my house. Then, I realized that the guy was in my house with my wife. When I rushed into the bedroom, my wife was alone. I must find where that bastard is hiding. So I searched the toilet, I ran downstairs, looked in the storeroom, but the bastard was not there. So, I ran upstairs and searched the wardrobe, but I found nothing. Because of all that running, I got a heart attack and died.
2nd ghost : “Why you never look for the bastard in the fridge? The bastard was hiding there.
We both might be alive today.!!”
02/26/2023 from Daily Jokes
#16907
One evening a man was at home watching TV and eating peanuts.
He’d toss them in the air, then catch them in his mouth.
In the middle of catching one, his wife asked a question, and as he turned to answer her, a peanut fell in his ear.
He tried and tried to dig it out but succeeded in only pushing it in deeper.
He called his wife for assistance, and after hours of trying they became worried and decided to go to the hospital.
As they were ready to go out the door, their daughter came home with her date.
After being informed of the problem, their daughter’s date said he could get the peanut out.
The young man told the father to sit down, then shoved two fingers up the father’s nose and told him to blowhard.
When the father blew, the peanut flew out.
The mother and daughter jumped and yelled for joy.
The young man insisted that it was nothing and the daughter brought the young man out to the kitchen for something to eat.
Once he was gone the mother turned to the father.
The mother said,
“That’s wonderful. Isn’t he smart? What do you think he’s going to be when he grows older?!”
The father replies
“From the smell of his fingers, our son-in-law!”
02/25/2023 from Daily Jokes
#16905
My wife and I were having a serious quarrel when I said to her…
“pack your things and…….!!! …..”
At that point, her phone rang, so I had to stop to allow her to answer the call.
It was her dad.
The phone was on speaker so I could hear what he was saying.
After the usual pleasantries between father and daughter, he said:
“my daughter, I have transferred $6,000,000 into your account, give your husband $4,000,000 out of it, and you can have the remaining balance.”
I Am sending a LANDCRUISER tear rubber jeep to you and your husband for family use. After the g0od-byes, the càll ended, and she turned to me immediately
” you said I should pack my things and do what…….. ?”
I SAID, PACK YOUR THINGS AND GIVE THEM TO ME TO WASH”. I will iron them when the light comes.