01/16/2023 from Daily Jokes
#16793
For Michael’s birthday, his wife wanted to surprise him when he came home from work.
After some careful consideration, she decided to strip naked and wrap herself in saran wrap from her shoulders to her ankles.
Pretty soon Michael enters his house exhausted from a tough day at work.
He walks through the kitchen, places his lunch box down, and hears his wife say,
“Honey! I’m in the living room.”
Rounding the corner, he spots her all wrapped up in plastic.
After a quick peek,
he immediately says,
“Leftovers again!”
01/15/2023 from Daily Jokes
#16790
Little Johnny was wondering one day and decided to ask his dad…
“Dad, how come big dogs can make little dogs and big cats can make little cats but why can’t Big trains make little trains?”
Little Johnny’s father replied,
“Well Johnny, this sounds like a great quey for your mother.”
So off Johnny went to go ask his mother…
“Mom, why do big dogs make little dogs and big cats make a little cat but why can’t Big trains make little trains?“
Little Johnny’s mom thought about it and said:
“Well, Johnny, this sounds like a good question to ask Mr Jones down at the railroad yard”.
So off Johnny went to go ask Mr Jones.
“Mr Jones, why do big dogs make little dogs and big cats make little cats but why can’t Big trains make little trains?“
Mr Jones looked at Johnny seriously and said
“Well Johnny, that because Union pacific always pulls out on time!
01/14/2023 from Daily Jokes
#16787
After church, Johnny tells his parents he has to go and talk to the minister right away.
They agree and the pastor greets the family.
“Pastor,” Johnny says,
“I heard you say today that our bodies came from the dust.”
“That’s right, Johnny, I did say that.”
” And I heard you say that when we die, our bodies go back to dust.
“Yes, I’m glad you were listening. Why do you ask?”
“Well you better come over to our house right away and look under my bed, ‘because there’s someone either coming’ or going’!”
01/13/2023 from Daily Jokes
#16785
A couple is throwing a dinner party and the husband who is very thin and bony is walking around the house wearing only his boxers.
His wife comes out of the kitchen and says,
“Hey, the guests are gonna be here any minute. Go and put something on.”
“Oh no, I won’t,” he says.
“I want everybody to see how you feed your husband…”
“Really? Then take your boxers off, too, and show everyone that there’s nothing that I should feed you for.”
01/12/2023 from Daily Jokes
#16782
The priest reads them their last rites, then the king orders the executioner to kill the physicist.
The executioner offers the physicist two choices: would he like a hood on or off, and would he like to be executed face up or face down. The physicist replies, “I spent my whole life studying the heavens. I would like to face the sky, with the hood on like night!”
The executioner positions the physicist and drops the blade…
… and it stops inches from the physicists’ neck.
The priest cries, “It’s a sign from God! This man is innocent! Set him free!”, so the king pardons him, and orders the mathematician executed next.
The executioner offers the mathematician the same choices: would he like a hood on or off, and would he like to be executed face up or face down. The mathematician replies, “They all result in an equivalent state, but hood off face down is the most elegant solution!”
The executioner positions the mathematician and drops the blade…
… and it stops inches from the mathematician’s neck.
The priest cries, “It’s a sign from God! This man is innocent! Set him free!”, so the king pardons him, and orders the engineer executed next.
The executioner offers the engineer the same choices: would he like a hood on or off, and would he like to be executed face up or face down. The engineer replies, “I have always loved machines, and there is no more elegant a killing machine than the guillotine. I will spend my final moments marveling in its beauty!”
The executioner positions the engineer and, as he’s about to drop the blade, the engineer shouts:
“I see the problem!”