Daily Joke: Jokes Library

A lawyer named Strange died, and his friend asked the tombstone maker to inscribe on his tombstone, “Here lies Strange, an honest man, and a lawyer.”

The inscriber insisted that such an inscription would be confusing, for passersby would tend to think that three men were buried under the stone.

However he suggested an alternative: He would inscribe, “Here lies a man who was both honest and a lawyer.”

That way, whenever anyone walked by the tombstone and read it, they would be certain to remark:

“That’s Strange!”

According to the Knight-Ridder News Service, the inscription on the metal bands used by the U.S. Department of the Interior to tag migratory birds has been changed. The bands used to bear the address of the Washington Biological Survey, abbreviated:

Wash. Biol. Surv.

Until the agency received the following letter from an Arkansas camper:

“Dear Sirs:

While camping last week I shot one of your birds. I think it was a crow. I followed the cooking instructions on the leg tag and I want to tell you it was horrible.”

The bands are now marked Fish and Wildlife Service.

Two blondes were driving along a road by a wheat field when they saw a blonde in the middle of the field rowing a row boat.

The blonde driver turned to her friend and said “You know – it’s blondes like that that give us a bad name!”

To this, the other blonde replies “I know it, and if I knew how to swim, I’d go out there and drown her.”

A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, “Wanna hear a blonde joke?”

In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, “Before you tell that joke, you should know something.”

Our bartender IS blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I’m a 6′ tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6’2″, weighs 225, and he’s a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6’5″ pushing 300 and he’s a wrestler. Each one of US is blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?”

The blind guy says, “Nah, not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times.”

Nurse 1: “What’s the status of the little boy who swallowed all those coins?”

Nurse 2: “Still no change!”