Daily Joke: Jokes Library

When I got to work Monday, I was limping somewhat noticeably. My boss noticed and asked me what had happened.

I told him, “Oh, nothing. It’s just an old football injury that acts up once in a while.”

My boss eyed me suspiciously and said, “Gee, I never knew you played football.”

I said, “Well, I don’t. I hurt it yesterday when I lost $100 on New York Jets. I put my foot through the television…”

After being away on business, Tim thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift. “How about some perfume?” he asked the cosmetics clerk. She showed him a $50.00 bottle.

“That’s a bit much,” said Tim, so she returned with a smaller bottle for $30.00. “That’s still quite a bit,” Tim complained.

Growing annoyed, the clerk brought out a tiny $15.00 bottle. “What I mean,” said Tim, “is I’d like to see something really cheap.”

The clerk handed him a mirror.

He goes to the hospital, and is promptly admitted after being diagnosed with second-degree burns.

With his skin already starting to blister, and the severe pain he was in, the doctor prescribes continuous intravenous feeding with saline, electrolytes, a sedative, and a Viagra pill every four hours.

The nurse, who is rather astounded, says, “What good will Viagra do for him, Doctor?”

The doctor replied, “It’ll keep the sheets off his legs.”

A husband and wife were sitting at the breakfast table and the man was reading the ads in the paper.

He looked up and said, “Here is a great sale on tires!”

His wife replied, “What do you want tires for? You don’t have a car.”

He says, “Do I complain when you go out and buy a new bra?”

Teacher: Well, at least there’s one thing I can say about your son.

Parent: What’s that?

Teacher: With grades like these, he couldn’t be cheating.