Daily Joke: Jokes Library

On a recent vacation at a resort with my in-laws, we planned to spend an afternoon at the pool with our kids. We wanted to bring our own drinks, but were unsure of the hotel’s policy.

My brother-in-law called the front desk, and assuming everyone was familiar with the brand of ice chest he had, asked if it was all right if he brought a Playmate to the pool.

After a pause, the clerk asked, “Does she have her own towel?”

Note: Playmate is a model of Ice Cooler Box by Igloo Corporation

Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M factory.

She kept throwing away the W’s

1] Jack (age 3) was watching his Mom breast-feeding his new baby sister.
After a while he asked: “Mom why have you got two? Is one for hot and one for cold milk?”

[2] Melanie (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she was so old she didn’t remember any more.
Melanie said, “If you don’t remember you must look in the back of your panties. Mine say five to six.”

[3] Steven (age 3) hugged and kissed his Mom goodnight.
“I love you so much, that when you die I’m going to bury you outside my bedroom window.”

[4] Brittany (age 4) had an earache and wanted a painkiller. She tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mom explained it was a childproof cap and she’d have to open it for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: “How does it know it’s me?

[5] Susan (age 4) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups.
“Please don’t give me this juice again,” she said, “It makes my teeth cough.”

[6] Diane (age 4) stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked: “How much do I cost?”

[7] Marc (age 4) was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them , he asked his dad: “Why is he whispering in her mouth?”

[8] Clinton (age 5) was in his bedroom looking worried. When his Mom asked what was troubling him, he replied, “I don’t know what’ll happen with this bed when I get married. How will my wife fit in?”

[9] James (age 4) was listening to a Bible story. His dad read: “The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee
out of the city but his wife looked back and was turned to salt.” Concerned, James asked: “What happened to the flea?”

[10]Tammy (age 4) was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather wrinkled woman her Mom knew. Tammy looked at her for awhile and then asked, “Why doesn’t your skin fit your face?”

A junior manager, a senior manager and their boss are on their way to a meeting. On their way through a park, they come across a magic lamp. They rub the lamp and a ghost appears. The ghost says, “Normally, one is granted three wishes but as you are three, I will allow one wish each”

So the eager senior manager shouted, “I want the first wish. I want to be in the Bahamas, on a fast boat and have no worries.” Pfufffff” and he Was gone.

Now the junior manager could not keep quiet and shouted “I want to be In Florida with beautiful girls, plenty of food and cocktails.” Pfufffff” and he Was also gone.

The boss calmly said, “I want these two idiots back in the office after lunch at 12.35pm.”

A local priest and pastor stood by the side of the road holding up a sign that said, “The End is Near! Turn yourself around now before it’s too late!”

They planned to hold up the sign to each passing car.

“Leave us alone you religious nuts!” yelled the first driver as he sped by.

From around the curve they heard a big splash. “Do you think,” said one clergy to the other, “we should just put up a sign that says ‘bridge out’ instead?”