Daily Joke: Jokes Library

A man was feeling terribly out of sorts and decided to go to the doctor so he made an appointment and showed up the next day. After the doctor examined the man, the doctor invited him into his office for the consultation.

The doctor came into the room with three different bottles of pills. The doctor told the man to take the red pill in the morning with a big glass of water, the blue pill in the afternoon with a big glass of water and the green pill in the evening with a big glass of water. The man, terribly shocked at the amount of pills he had to take asked the doctor what in the world was wrong with him.The doctor replied, “You aren’t getting enough water.”

A blind man was out walking with his seeing-eye dog when suddenly the animal paused and wet the man’s leg.

Bending down, the blind man stretched out his hand and patted the dog’s head. Having watched what happened, a bystander said, “Why are you patting him? That dog just peed on your leg!”

“I know,” said the blind man…, “but I gotta find his head before I can kick his butt.”

A guy had told all of his friends about the great steak he’d eaten downtown the day before. A group of them decided to head down and see if was really as large and delicious as he was making it out to be.

The group was seated in the back of the restaurant. After looking over the menu, they ordered and waited, hungrily, for their large, delicious pieces of gigantic steaks.

To their collective disappointment, the waiter brought out some of the smallest steaks they’d ever seen.

“Now see here,” the very embarrassed guy said to the waiter. “Yesterday when I came down here you served me a BIG, juicy, steak. Today, though, when I have my friends invited, you serve small miniature steaks! What is the meaning of this?”

“Yes, sir,” replied the waiter, “yesterday you were sitting by the window.”

A Blonde goes to the local novelty shop and finds a pair of x-ray glasses. He checks them out, but isn’t fully convinced they are worth $50. The salesman assures him that they work and that $50 is a great price. The blonde decides to buy them.

On his way home, he puts on his new x-ray glasses and, bingo, he sees everyone in the street naked!

He takes them off for a moment, and everyone has their clothes on. Puts the glasses back on…everyone is naked! ‘Cool!’

As he arrives back home, he is eager to show his new toy to his wife but can’t find her. He goes up to the bedroom and finds his wife and some guy, naked in bed. He takes his glasses off, and the two are still naked. He puts them back on, and they are still naked.

He throws down the glasses in disgust and says, ‘Damn, I just paid fifty-bucks for these, and they’re already broken!’

One night, Murphy was walking home when, all of a sudden, a thief jumped on him. Murphy and the thief began to wrestle. They rolled about on the ground and Murphy put up a tremendous fight. However, the thief managed to get the better of him and pinned him to the ground.

The thief then went through Murphy’s pockets and searched him. All the thief could find on Murphy was 25 cents.

The thief was so surprised at this that he asked Murphy why he had bothered to fight so hard for 25 cents.

“Was that all you wanted?” Murphy replied, “I thought you were after the five hundred dollars I’ve got in me shoe!”