Daily Joke: Jokes Library

A blonde, out of money, and down on her luck after buying air at a real bargain, needed money desperately.

To raise cash, she decided to kidnap a child and hold him for ransom.

She went to the local playground, grabbed a kid randomly, took her behind a building, and told her, “I’ve kidnapped you.”

She then wrote a big note saying, “I’ve kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and leave it under the apple tree next to the slides, on the south side of the playground. Signed, A blonde.”

The blonde then pinned the note to the kid’s shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents.

The next morning, the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the apple tree.

The blonde looked in the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, “How could you do this to a fellow blonde?”

A husband, who has six children, begins to call his wife “mother of six” rather than by her first name.

The wife, amused at first, chuckles.

A few years down the road, the wife has grown tired of this.

“Mother of six,” he would say, “what’s for dinner tonight? Get me a beer!”

She gets very frustrated.

Finally, while attending a party with her husband, he jokingly yells out, “Mother of six, I think it’s time to go!”

The wife immediately shouts back, “I’ll be right with you, father of four!”

A man was worried that his wife might not be telling the truth about something.

He went to a pet store and told the owner about his concerns.

The shop owner said, “I have a very special parrot that can tell you everything that happens in your house.”

The parrot couldn’t use its legs, so it held onto its perch in a unique way.

Even though the man wasn’t sure, he decided to take the parrot home.

At the end of the first day, the man asked the bird, “Did anything happen today?”

The parrot replied, “Yes, the milkman came over.”

The man asked, “What happened after that?”

The parrot answered, “I’m not sure… I got too excited and slipped off my perch.”

A man and a woman are sleeping together when suddenly there is a noise in the house, and the woman rolls over and says, “It’s my husband, you have to leave!”

The man jumps out of bed, jumps through the window, crawls through the bushes, and out on the street, when he realizes something.

He goes back to the house and says to the woman, “Wait, I’m your husband!”

She replies giving him a dirty look, “So why did you run?”

One night a lady came home from her weekly prayer meeting, found she was being robbed, and she shouted out, “Acts 2:38: ‘Repent & be baptized & your sins will be forgiven.'”

The robber quickly gave up & the lady rang the police.

While handcuffing the criminal, a policeman said, “Gee mate, you gave up pretty easily. How come you gave up so quickly?”

The robber said, “She said she had an axe and two 38’s!”