Daily Joke: Jokes Library

The CEO of a major corporation asked his press officer to write a twenty-minute speech for the shareholders meeting. Upon his return from the meeting he is furious at the press officer.

“Are you trying to kill my career?” the executive barks. I asked for a twenty-minute speech and you give me an hour-long speech. People were standing up and walking out.”

“No,” says the press officer, “I gave you exactly what you requested…. a twenty-minute speech and two extra copies.”

A passenger was having difficulty lugging his oversized travel bag onto the plain. Helped by a flight attendant, he finally managed to stuff it in the overhead bin.

“Do you always carry such heavy luggage? She asked, winded.

“Never again!” the man said. “Next time, I’m riding in the bag, and my friend can buy the ticket!”

An Illinois man left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day.

When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick email. Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her email address, he did his best to type it in from memory.

Unfortunately, he missed one letter and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher’s wife, whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her email, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream and fell to the floor in a dead faint. At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:

DEAREST WIFE: JUST GOT CHECKED IN. EVERYTHING PREPARED FOR YOUR ARRIVAL TOMORROW.
P.S. SURE IS HOT DOWN HERE.

” Doctor, I get this overpowering urge to sing ‘Delilah’. Then I get this urge to sing ‘The Green Green Grass of Home”

” Hmmm, you are suffering from Tom Jones syndrome.”

” I’ve never heard of that doctor. Is it a rare complaint?”

“It’s not unusual”

Three people die, a Doctor a school teacher and the head of a large HMO, when met at the pearly gates by St. Peter he asks the Doctor ‘what did you do on Earth?’

The Dotor replied, I healed the sick and if they could not pay I would do it for free. St. Peter told the Doctor, ‘you may go in.’

St. Peter then asked the teacher what she did, she replied, I taught educationally challenged children. St. Peter then told her ‘you may go in.’

St. Peter asked the third man, ‘what did you do?’ The man hung his head and replied, ‘I ran a large HMO.’ To which St. Peter replied, ‘you may go in, but you can only stay 3 days.’