Daily Joke: Jokes Library

A: Just look at that young person with the short hair and blue jeans. Is it a boy or a girl?

B: It’s a girl. She’s my daughter.

A: Oh, I’m sorry, sir. I didn’t know that you were her father.

B: I’m not. I’m her MOTHER.

On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students:

“The female dormitory is out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory is to the female students. Anyone caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time. Second violation will be a $60 fine. Third time will cost you a fine of $180. Are there any questions?”

A male student inquired, “How much for a season pass?”

A traveling salesman was passing through a small town in the West when he saw a little old man sitting in a rocking chair on the stoop of his house.

The little old man looked so contented that the salesman couldn’t resist going over and talking to him.

“You look as if you don’t have a care in the world,” the salesman told him. “What is your formula for a long and happy life?”

“Well,” replied the little old man, “I smoke six packs of cigarettes a day, I drink a quart of bourbon every four hours and six cases of beer a week. I never wash and I go out every night.”

“My goodness,” exclaimed the salesman, “that’s just great! How old are you?”

“Twenty-five,” he replied.

On a beautiful sunny summer morning there were two cows in a field.

The first cow said “mooo” and the second cow said “baaaaaa.”

The first cow was surprised and asked the second cow, “Why did you say “baaaaa?”

The second cow replied, “I am learning a foreign language.”

Once upon a time, a beautiful, independent, self-assured princess happened upon a frog in a pond.

The frog said to the princess, “I once was a handsome prince until an evil witch put a spell on me. One kiss from you and I will turn back into a prince and then we can marry, move into the castle with my mom and you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children and forever feel happy doing so.”

That night, while the princess dined on frog legs, she kept laughing and saying, “I don’t THINK so.”