07/04/2025 from Daily Jokes
#20794
On July 20th, 1969, as commander of the Apollo 11 lunar module, Neil Armstrong was the first person to set foot on the moon.
His first words after stepping on the moon, “that’s one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind,” were heard by millions of people around the world.
But just before he re-entered the lander, he made the enigmatic remark: “good luck, Mr. Gorsky.”
Many people at NASA thought it was a casual remark concerning some rival Soviet cosmonaut.
However, upon checking, there was no Gorsky in either the Russian or American space programs.
Over the years many people questioned Armstrong as to what the “good luck, Mr. Gorsky” statement meant, but he just brushed them off by smiling.
On July 5th, 1995, in Tampa Bay, Florida, while answering questions following a speech, a reporter brought up the 26-year-old question. That time, he finally responded.
Mr. Gorsky had died, so Neil Armstrong felt he could answer the question.
In 1938, when he was a kid in a small Midwestern town, he was playing baseball with a friend in the backyard.
His friend hit the ball, which landed in his neighbor’s yard by the bedroom windows.
His neighbors were Mr. and Mrs. Gorsky.
As he leaned down to pick up the ball, the young Armstrong heard Mrs. Gorsky shouting at Mr. Gorsky.
“Sex? You want sex?! You’ll get sex when the kid next door walks on the moon!”
07/03/2025 from Daily Jokes
#20782
A watermelon farmer was determined to scare off the local kids who went into his watermelon patch every night to eat their fill.
After some thought, he made a sign that read, “WARNING! ONE OF THESE WATERMELONS HAS BEEN INJECTED WITH CYANIDE!”
He smiled smugly as he watched the kids run off the next night without eating any of his melons.
A week later, the farmer was surveying his field. To his satisfaction, no watermelons were missing, but a sign next to his read, “NOW THERE ARE TWO!”
07/02/2025 from Daily Jokes
#20777
The fluorescent lights hummed overhead as I rolled my cart up to the checkout counter. The grocery store boy, barely older than seventeen with a name tag that read Derek , smiled sleepily and scanned my items.
“Paper or plastic?” he asked, like it was a question he’d asked a thousand times before lunch.
I shrugged. “You pick. Doesn’t matter to me.”
He blinked. “Uh… really?”
I nodded. “Yeah. You know what’s better. Go ahead.”
For a moment, Derek looked like someone had handed him a million dollars and told him it was legal tender. His eyes lit up behind his glasses. Then, just as quickly, his face fell.
“I can’t,” he said quietly, almost mournfully.
“What do you mean, you can’t?”
“It’s against policy.” He gestured toward a laminated sign taped to the conveyor belt: Customers must choose bag type. “If I assume your preference, I could get written up. Baggers can’t be choosers.”
07/01/2025 from Daily Jokes
#20771
A nun returns to the convent after a round of golf and speaks to her Mother Superior.
The nun says, “Mother Superior, I have to confess that today I took the name of our Lord Jesus Christ in vain.”
Mother Superior replies, “What happened, my child?”
The nun explains, “I was on target to break 80 for the first time. I just needed a par on the 18th. I hit a lovely drive right down the middle, but a gust of wind blew it into the rough.”
Mother Superior asks, “Oh no. Was that when you took the name of our Lord Jesus Christ in vain?”
The nun answers, “No, Mother Superior. I was able to control my frustration. Then I hit a great 8-iron to the middle of the green, but a squirrel grabbed my ball and dragged it into a bunker.”
Mother Superior reacts, “What bad luck, my child. Was that when you took the name of our Lord Jesus Christ in vain?”
The nun continues, “No, Mother Superior. Again, I controlled myself and hit a brilliant bunker shot to within 18 inches of the hole.”
Mother Superior snaps, “You missed the f*cking putt, didn’t you?”
06/30/2025 from Daily Jokes
#20766
It was a bright Monday morning, and the classroom buzzed with the usual energy that came after the weekend. Ms. Carter, a young and enthusiastic teacher, stood at the front of the third-grade classroom, determined to make math fun for her students.
“Alright, class,” she began, smiling warmly, “Let’s try a little word problem.”
She picked up a piece of chalk and wrote on the board:
“If you have one dollar and you ask your dad for another dollar, how many dollars do you have?”
Turning to the class, she pointed her chalk at a boy in the third row. “Billy, why don’t you give this one a shot?”
Billy, an honest boy with a sharp mind and a bit of mischief in his smile, sat up straight and said, “One dollar.”
Ms. Carter raised her eyebrows. “One? Billy, are you sure? If you have one and you ask your dad for another, wouldn’t that be two dollars?”
Billy shook his head. “No, ma’am.”
She chuckled gently. “Billy, I’m sorry, but it seems you don’t know your math.”
Billy leaned forward, his face completely serious. “I’m sorry, Miss, but it seems you don’t know my dad.”
The class burst into laughter. Ms. Carter, surprised at first, joined in with a chuckle. “Well, Billy,” she said, trying to regain her composure, “I guess that’s more a lesson in economics than arithmetic.”