Daily Joke: Jokes Library

My husband and I couldn’t decide which jacket to buy our granddaughter, so we asked the young salesman.

“If you were buying a jacket for your girlfriend,” I said, “which would you get?”

“A bulletproof one,” he said. “I’m married.”

I was inspecting a communications facilities in Alaska. Since I had little experience in flying in small planes, I was nervous when we approached a landing strip in a snow-covered area. The pilot descended to just a couple hundred feet, then gunned both engines, climbed, and circled back. While my heart pounded, the passenger beside me seemed calm.

“I wonder why he didn’t land,” I said.

“He was checking to see if the landing strip was plowed,” the man said.

As we made a second approach, I glanced out the window. “It looks plowed to me,” I commented.

“No,” my seat mate said. “It hasn’t been cleared for some time.”

“How can you tell?” I asked.

“Because,” the man informed me, “I’m the guy who drives the plow.”

A big-city counterfeiter decided the best place to pass off his phony $18 bills would be in some small, out of the way, town. So, he got into his new wheels and off he went.

He found a tiny town with a single store. He entered the store and handed one of the bogus bills to the man behind the counter. “Can you change this for me, please?” he said.

The store clerk looked at the $18 bill a short time, then smiled and told the man, “Sure, Mister. You want 2 nines or 3 sixes?”

Mary was having a tough day and had stretched herself out on the couch to do a bit of what she thought to be well deserved complaining and self-pitying.

She moaned to her mom and her younger brother, “Nobody loves me…the whole world hates me!”

Her brother, busily occupied playing a game, hardly looked up at her and passed on this encouraging word… “That’s not true, Mary. Some people don’t even know you.”

At the end of the college year, a star football player celebrated by attending a late night campus party. Soon after arriving, he became captivated by a beautiful coed and eased into a conversation with her by asking if she met any “potential dates” at the party.

“Oh, I’m much more attracted to the strong academic types than to the party animals,” she said. “What’s your G.P.A.?”

Grinning from ear to ear, the jock boasted, “I get about 25 in the city and 40 on the highway.”